Perimenopause Can Suck It #3: Caffeine is a No-No

Or, as I should have really titled this post: No, I Won’t Give Up Coffee During Perimenopause’s Death-grip on Me

The news is not good.  The theory that caffeine makes the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause worse is almost universally accepted as fact, Jack. To which I say, PLLLLTTTTTTT!

Don't touch my coffee...

Seriously.  Touch my coffee and I will cut you.

Some would say that simple, yet disturbing statement points to my sheer dependance on caffeine and for that reason alone I should ditch the dark delicious bean.

I reiterate: touch my coffee and…

What We Know:

#1) Consuming larger quantities of caffeine can trigger hot flashes.

#2) Caffeine can effect mood and the inevitable awe-inspiring swings, not to be confused with the awesome swings on a playground.

#3) It can disturb already disturbed sleep.

#4) Some important minerals (calcium, magnesium and iron) that would normally be absorbed by your kidneys, may be excreted instead.

#5)  Homocysteine levels increase, possibly increasing your risk for osteoporosis.

That’s the worst you got, Science?!  I ain’t scared.

Perimenopause can SUCK IT! #3

My Counter Points:

#1) Go neekid while drinking my morning joe.

#2) Carry around soccer penalty cards as an early warning system and start throwing them around right as an impending mood swing begins.  No Card Tossing= bluebirds and sunshine, baby.  Yellow = I’m giving you a generous head start…RUN!  Two Yellow which equals a Red = I’m fixin’ to tear the joint apart.

#3) One of the reasons I’m a runner is to burn off excess energy and wear myself out, much like running a toddler before nap-time.  No energy/a spent body = mo’ sleep.  So far it’s working.

#4) So, I’m peeing more minerals out than I would be had I given up caffeine?  The joke’s on you kidneys.  I’ll just up my mineral uptake through nutrient-rich foods.

#5) I have lifted weights my entire adult life.  I have run my entire adult life.  I gots good bones.

There’s not all bad news for caffeine, though. In low doses, caffeine has been shown to enhance athletic performance (at my age I can use all the help I can get).  Coffee also contains antioxidants that are beneficial to heart health and if you keep your intake to 500mg per day or less (I’m pretty sure I fall below this number), you shouldn’t get the jitters or shakes brought on by overuse of caffeine.

Of course, this is based on being a healthy woman with no medical issues.

While this post is mostly tongue-in-cheek, the best thing you can do for yourself is to monitor the effects that caffeine has on your changing body to get through this graceless life-altering change the best way you can.

For me and my bod?

Gluggity Glug, baby!

Seriously, don’t even play like you’re gonna touch it.

 

* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.

 

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Comments

  1. Amen Sister.

  2. Funny! I actually don’t drink caffeine, so when I have a cup of coffee or a soda with caffeine, WOW. I really feel it.

    Visiting from A Dish of Daily Life.
    ~FringeGirl

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I’m not a big soda drinker, but I do love me some coffee and sweet tea. I’d give up the tea, but never the coffee. NEVER!

  3. You ‘ain’t never lied. I gots to have my coffee. However, red wine, which i do LOVE, is giving me trouble…

  4. Are you kidding me? Seriously – I’ve been through menopause (I’m almost ffffffifty sssssix) and I couldn’t have made it without my daily dose (2 cups minimum) of coffee! Then in the afternoon I would drink green tea – hot or cold – sometimes lukewarm when the day gets crazy. And those hot flashes come in handy during the winter sometimes – kind of like your own personal tropical paradise! When you run around in a winter storm without a coat and in short sleeves – people are actually in awe and think you must be one tough mama! Just smile and nod and enjoy the glow! The best part? You get to take more soaking baths or longer hot showers! Just use the excuse that you “flashed” a lot and need to deep clean all the sweat off! Enjoy this time of your life – before you know it you will be living in a world that just keeps getting increasingly colder! Now I know why my grandmother wore sweaters all the time! Haha

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Bwhahaha! I had an image of my grandmother and the Kleenex stuffed up her sweater sleeve! Thanks for making me feel better about my coffee intake!

  5. You’re funny! I’m posting a devotion next week that was prompted by my love for a good cup of coffee : )

  6. I think you’ve nailed it. Try it and see how your body is affected, then adjust accordingly.

  7. I have been off caffeine since April, and those first couple of weeks were difficult. The first couple of days I slept about 18 hours out of 24. That was the main reason I gave it up. I have to say my “peri” symptoms were reduced, but I miss my lovely Starbucks Caramel Macchiatos, my Diet Coke, and my Chai. Loved your post – this is the time of life when a sense of humor is vital. Stay Gorgeous.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I’m a huge water drinker, and coffee is my only vice. Wait, and sugar. I know if I had too, I could say adios to coffee, but dadgumit, I don’t really want to. And yes, the humor be a help!

  8. This post-menopausal 50-something mama is HIGH FIVIN’ you Mrs. Tucker! I hear ya, and my family has heard me say “Touch that cup and . . .” on more than one occasion.
    A little knowledge, a lot of common sense, that’s how I’ve dealt with going through The Change. I think you could make a fortune marketing those cards – my husband would be first in line.

  9. Ha! I love it! I just got a Keurig so that I can have caffeine quickly whenever I like. IF someone told me I had to stop drinking coffee…yea, I don’t know what would happen. Especially now that I am a mom who gets no sleep!

  10. JU SO FONII!!! Of course those scientific studies couldn’t have been written by Cubans. They would have been tarred & feathered. Of course, considering ours is espresso, it would have been in double time. ; ) BB2U

  11. jennifer says:

    Your post made me screech with laughter. I can really relate. I can’t believe how crazy my symptoms are. And yes, I’m addicted to caffeine but frankly, I cringe to think of what I would be like with my coffee, espresso drinks and cokes.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      WIN! It’s a ride, ain’t it?! And yes, do not take what gives us some pleasure in this trying time.

  12. You are too funny! Love your blog!

  13. The Dr. took away my caffeine and nicotine… Told him he was shit out of luck if he thought he was touching my wine… Lol. Great post as usual xoxo.

  14. I’m with you – I can’t function without my morning Jo 😉 I sleep walk to the coffee pot. Gotta have it.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      On the weekends, whoever gets up first starts the coffee. I try like hell to stay in bed until Husband is up for at least 15 minutes cause that way I can walk straight to the pot!

  15. I need that coffee picture hanging by my desk at work haha

  16. I am addicted to caffeine! it’s so hard haha!

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