Perimenopause Can Suck It #4: Sexy Time Talk

CAVEAT: This post contains the word “lube” and frank talk about sexy-time, during perimenopause.   Enter if you dare.

Perimenopause Can SUCK IT #4

Oh, my. Lube?  This is what I’m talking about these days?  L-U-B-E?!

The German (my mother) is horrified: Pat-TAY!  Have you no shame?

Nope, Mom.  Not one drop.

I wanted to title this post: Just When You Thought You Had Found All The Uses For Coconut Oil…

But, I envisioned an unsuspecting nun clicking on the link, only to discover there’s one use she hadn’t thought of.  And then I’d go straight to hell.

Perimenopause is working my last nerve.

Some days it’s comical, like when I literally forgot my name or told my doctor if he didn’t stop annoying me, I would cut him.  (No worries.  #1: I remembered my name!  #2: The doc has a great sense of humor, plus I didn’t have a sharp pointy object on me.)

Then, there are other days when my singular pissed-off emotion consists of one two-word phrase: F*ck.  Seriously?

The day I ran across the following article, which in turn was the inspiration for this overly personal important post, fell on the comical side: Coconut Oil to Cure Vaginal Dryness

Oh, hai mon!  How very Island Time of them!

Ahem.  While I had a good laugh, I couldn’t deny the article made a valid point.  There comes a point when extra moisture, or put more indelicately, lube, comes in handy.

Stay with me, momma!

By now, many of us are aware that as we enter and traverse perimenopause, our estrogen levels are decreasing.  Less estrogen = a drying effect south of the border, er, in our vaginas. Less moisture in our vaginas = sex is gonna hurt.  Sex is gonna hurt = excuses not to have sex.  No sex = stupid vagina.

I know.  Vagina can be a jarring word for some.  Let’s desensitize, by immersion.  Ready?

Say it with me: vaginaVAGINAvaginaVAGINAvaginaVAGINAvaginaVAGINAvagina!

Hey, what do babies get pushed out of?  A VAGINA!  VAGINAvaginaVAGINA!

Ah, much better.  Back to the lube!

There are basically three kinds of lube: oil-based, water-based and OMG-I’m-so-embarrased-based. Still reading?  Good.  That last one should read: silicone based.

Water-based: This one is safe to use with all your (ahem) latex products…like condoms and diaphragms! Water-based lubes are an easy clean-up, user-friendly, but tend to dry out quickly. The wisdom about perimenopause is this: conceivably there’s a chance of pregnancy with unprotected sex.  If you’re past menopause, you really don’t have to think about what kind of lube you’re using; use ’em all!

Oil-based: Most everything you read about lube (and who isn’t reading about it?!) advise that oil-based lubes should NOT be used for sex.  Why?  These lubes are NOT safe to use with latex condoms, diaphragms or (LOOK AWAY CHILDREN!) latex toys, because oil breaks down latex.  Also note that oil-based lubes can leave a thin-coating on the vaginal walls, which can compromise the health of a woman’s vagina.

To review: breaks down latex and possible vaginal compromise.

Sooo, what about coconut oil as lube? It’s an oil, obviously, and there’s lots of Internet-talk surrounding the pros and cons.

Pro: if your post-menopausal: GO FOR IT!

Con: If your perimenopausal: NO LATEX PRODUCT USAGE!

There is also talk of coconut oil being an anti-fungal which may or may not help ward off yeast infections. Also, some women tend to have issues with the addition ingredients in lube, which obviously, coconut oil does not have.

If you’re in the midst of sucky perimenopause and using a latex product for protection against pregnancy, I’d like to go on record as saying you probably shouldn’t chance it.

Silicone-based: Safe to use with latex and it takes a long time to dry out, are the top reasons folks will reach for silicone-based lubes. The top reasons folks won’t?  Silicone is hard to clean, is water-resistant and can have a greasy texture.  Sexy!

There you have it.  Lube 101.

I know talking about such things can be embarrassing, but don’t we owe it to ourselves to continue to live the lives we want, to keep the fun alive, no matter what phase we’re moving through?

Knowledge is power, my babies; pass it on!

Perimenopause CAN suck it.

 

 

* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.

 

~If you liked this post, please help me spread the SUCK IT love by sharing on your favorite social media. Thank you!~

 

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Comments

  1. Is there something wrong with me that this talk between women does not bother me? LOL, but I was wondering, giggling….Does your son and bros ever read your blog? Brothers do seem to have a teasing thing that never goes away with age. This would be the day they chose to show up no doubt!
    Have you been watching Fried Green Tomatoes? Big groups, mirrors and VAGINAS! Vagina, vagina, vagina….nope doesn’t bother me.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Nope, haven’t seen Fried Green Tomatoes…and Ive always been an open gal, never having too much trouble talking about reality. My son does pop in occasionally, but I’m sure if he sees the title, he wouldn’t bother reading. I think…

  2. Thanks for writing this educational series, and for being willing to be frank! Coconut oil is indeed lovely stuff with a myriad of uses.

    The oil/latex conflict CAN be a problem for post-menopausal women if they are using latex to prevent disease transmission. Of course we can hope that all your readers are so sensible that they’ll realize that outgrowing the possibility of pregnancy doesn’t mean they can jump on all the pool-boys without a care–but I thought it was worth mentioning just in case anyone is getting carried away. 🙂

    Definitely watch Fried Green Tomatoes. Excellent movie!

    Several of the men in my family and my male friends read my posts, but I’ve had no complaints about my occasional frankness about female topics. I figure they just skip over anything they don’t want to know about. The bluntly clarifying update to this post actually was prompted by an ex-boyfriend emailing me to ask whether I was talking about what he thought I was talking about and, if so, if I’d been inspired by his practical use of dirty towels….

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Omgosh, thank you for the important addendum. I thought about that and as you can see, it got left out somehow. Thank you!

  3. LoL “conceivably there’s a chance of pregnancy with unprotected sex” still giggling about that one.

    Perimenopause CAN suck it, and Lube is one of the easiest parts I have had to deal with….they sell it in Target, and the supermarket now, no more going to the *ahem* adult shop and hoping you don’t run into anyone you know. I am so glad I got fixed years back, I can just use the stuff I like (which was NEVER water based)….Thanks Patti for bringing this stuff out into the daylight 🙂

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Ha! I like putting a line or two in posts that cracks me up, but I often wonder if I’m laughing alone…NO LONGER! Thank you! And thank you for the comment. I was hoping I hadn’t crossed the line, but the topic is important and needing to be discussed.

  4. There’s a reason Amazon exists, and it’s for ordering lube. At least that’s what I’ve learned while having a referral account.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      BOY! I almost spit on my computer from the HA! I gave when I saw you. And, at least they’re ordering it. I couldn’t bring myself to link any product. I thought the words might be enough for today…

  5. Still in child-bearing years so I’ll file most of this away for future reference; however, I do have a vagina story to share! Scattergories-style baby shower game: take the baby’s name, come up with a birth or infant-related word for each letter. Baby’s name: Calvin (something-or-other-for-the-middle-name). Why, in a room full of women/mothers, was I the only one with enough guts to go for the obvious V-vagina? Add me to the “unashamed” list.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      LOL! There’s a reason we’re friends… Did anyone feel sorry for your mother that day?! (people feel sorry for The German all the time)

  6. For some reason, I was thinking of an article more along the line of “Caulk”. Imagine my surprise!

    I did not chant the “V” word along with y’all. I just don’t. I….don’t.

    Anywho…blushing a vivid red here, ahem….thanks for the ‘heads up”….HAHAHAHA. (Couldn’t help myself). I’m glad you wrote it (I couldn’t) and I’m happy to be armed with new information.

    Oh, Mrs. Tucker!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      CAULK! You know how I love talking abut it! It’s absolutely fine if you didn’t desensitize; it’s not for everyone, but that you gave me a “head’s up” joke makes me think you’re a rascal underneath all that blushing. Thanks for reading, momma!

  7. Well thanks for such a sincere adult post. As an RN I have had to educate many woman in the past on such subjects so have no problem with any discussion on the genitalia. I am 75 and never lost my ovaries but just recently have had dryness problems, so now I have to take my own advice and add all this good info you provided for us together and find something to keep me comfy all the time. Fried Green Tomatoes is worth a watch and the Vagina Monologues are absolutely a breath of fresh air.
    Blessings sista
    QMM

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I think frankness with some humor thrown in to relax us, is what’s needed when it comes to these very adult talks. It’s important and we should be able to talk about whatever it may be that helps us along our paths. Thank you for such a lovely comment and for not running away horrified.

  8. Stephanie Daigneault says:

    Good to know and glad to find your blog! I do not have any issues with dryness yet, but other symptoms. I went to the lady doctor recently and she said this can go on for the next TEN years. WHAT?!?!?! I had no idea. Here I was living life acting like all this was never going to happen to me! But I have coconut oil in the cabinet, so if that particular symptom hit, boo-ya, I will be ready! haha

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Yep, up to 10 years. It’s craziness, I tell ya! I think most of us put it out of our minds until we start having symptoms. But, look at you all ready with your coconut oil! BAM!

  9. Oh Mrs. Tucker, You are amazing!! I loved your post and “lube” is such a wonderful word for this problem that we all must face. Thanks for a frank explanation and your marvelous sense of humor.

    NOW……… Please link-up this brilliant post ( heck, link up all 4 parts) at our rules free Blog Strut Link Party/blog hop, Thursdays at 5:00 PM PST. Our Blog Strut isn’t your average blog hop, it offers many ways to promote and give exposure to your blog and posts. We pin all links, featured posts, as well as offer free co-host spots and button/logo redesign, plus free social network link ups. Join us and show what you’ve got!!

  10. I’ve never seen the different kinds broken down with pros and cons so well. Thank you!

Trackbacks

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