I’m an optimist. Things are gonna work out, baby. < See? Optimism.
My father used to tell me that I was the most naive person he knew. That life wasn’t all sunshine and blue birds, Sunshine.
I’d kiss his cheek, tell him I loved him and that it wasn’t naivety that he was witnessing, it was trust.
I might have been wrong. Oh man, I might have been the most naive person he knew.
Let me backtrack. When I say “trust” that only applies to those I know and love, and um, trust. If you’re one of those people, and you tell me anything, I’m believing the words coming out of your mouth. Trust, yo.
Recently, I had the opportunity to grasp the concept that some that I love might not be worthy of that trust. I’d been told by some that I should guard against believing this one’s words, but as one does that loves another, I brushed off what they saw; I refused to open my eyes to the truth.
Today I see.
I’ve been duped. I’ve been too trusting. I’ve been naive.
I wondered, in the aftermath, if my father was sending me a saddened I told you so.
The thing is…there’s always a thing, right?…is that I wanted to believe. I couldn’t bring myself to consider that the words I was being told might not be the truth. I mean, they loved me too, right? Why would someone who loves me lie to me? Over and over and over and over again?
I still don’t have an answer for that.
I’ve blamed myself. Maybe I was this or wasn’t that. Maybe they saw no other way. Maybe they thought it was a kindness.
That nonsense stopped the moment I saw. It was as if I actually heard someone snap their fingers and I was in a different reality of seeing the truth. ~SNAP~ No more blame.
There is no reason to lie to someone you love, over the course of years, for any reason other than life or death. Or at least, that’s how I see it.
Lesson learned. Or is it?
On one hand, I am still that optimistic soul. It’s my DNA, baby. I gots my own personal bluebird flock.
On the other, there is now one person whose words will be worthy of a higher level of scrutiny before I believe whatever it is that comes out of their mouth. Gotta pay if you’re gonna play that game, right?
I prayed for peace after my moment of clarity and the unveiling of what had previously been hidden. Peace for me that I wouldn’t strike back in anger and peace for the person that had lied so easily and freely.
Since then, I have gotten my peace, as I pray they have gotten theirs.
After a few days had passed and I had time to reflect without the heat of fresh anger, I wondered if my dad had been right all along. Was I the most naive person he had ever known or was I simply trusting those I loved?
I’m going with the latter. I’m always going with trust. It’s how I’m bent.
That is unless I’m shown otherwise.
Come on bluebirds! Let’s fly!