Happy Birthday, Boy!

Today is Boy’s birthday.  In a few short weeks he will become a first time dad (making me a first time grandmomma!).  In a few short weeks he’s going to intimately understand the deepest love there is on this planet.  In a few short weeks he’s going to look at me, not as an insane momma who is overly emotional when it comes to my kiddo, but as one who understands that crazy insane love.  I can’t wait.  It will be a joy to behold.

Happy Birthday, Boy!

29 years ago, I became a mom.

I was a reluctant mom-to-be when I was pregnant.  I worried that I wouldn’t know how to mother a child.  The full weight of what it meant to successfully guide another human being through life, manifested in actual nightmares.  Hell, I was a child myself.  Although, at 22 I felt quite grown.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant and not harboring a tropical disease (I had just returned from Puerto Vallarta ), I was stunned.  I was a newlywed.  A newlywed who had been told (by a trusted doc) that she would never ever have babies of her own.

You can imagine my surprise.  You can imagine Husband’s!

I’M PREGNANT?!  How did that happen?!

For nine months I worried.  I cried.  I feared for the worst.  I begged God to have mercy on my unborn child.   ME?!  A mother?  Even my friends were stunned.  Of my peers, I think I would have been voted Least Likely To Mother, yet Most Likely To Start The Party.

Then the most miraculous thing happened; Boy was born.  From the moment he was placed in my trembling arms, I was all in.  Every fear, every tear, every worry dissipated.  I remember telling Husband, as I looked into Boy’s eyes for the first time, “If anyone tries to hurt this child, I will kill them.”

The nurses were shocked he stopped screaming when they handed him to me:

Happy Birthday, Boy!

 

After these pics were taken, Husband passed them around the waiting room.  I’ve always loved the imagery of a proud first-time dad, showing off his son to family, friends and complete strangers.

Happy Birthday, Boy!

Never underestimate a mother’s love.  It is fierce and bold and brave.

What began that day was a love affair with my child.  (he just gagged and rolled his eyes, but one day, God-willing, he’ll understand when he’s handed his baby)  We knew that most likely he was our singular kiddo miracle and that we would not be offered a second, so we enjoyed every second of raising him.

After marrying the absolute love of my life, Boy has been my biggest gift.

He was a joy to raise.  Irreverent, sassy, smart (ohmygosh, so smart), funny as hell, sharp, goofy, thought-filled, playful, naughty, unexpected, trying, beautiful…

I used to tell Boy that when he was in heaven, before his heart beat in my womb, before he came home to us, he looked down from heaven and told God, “Them.  I pick them.”  I told him that God agreed because we would teach him exactly what he needed to walk through this life.

I especially told him that story when he was in trouble and wasn’t happy with us.  “Don’t blame me.  You picked us.”

Used to drive him crazy.  Momma’s having some fun, baby!

Here we are 29 years later, a heartbeat later, and when I look at Boy my heart remembers that day I met him for the first time.  I feel the same maternal passion I felt then; woe to the soul who tries to harm my child.  Yet, my fears preceding that moment were unfounded.  Turns out, I did know how to mother a child, my child.

It’s not easy being a parent; it’s not for the weak.  The responsibility can be a heart-crusher. Yet, unspeakable joy trumps everything that is difficult.   As I look back over my life, over my accomplishments, I am filled with awe and humbled before God that I had the opportunity to be his mom.

And that he picked us…

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy!

 

 

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Comments

  1. Oh my heart! So well penned, Mrs. Tucker! Can’t wait to hear about watching boy hold f/b and then the ultimate thrill of having your child’s child nestled your arms……..ahhh it’s what you’ve been hungry for and never even knew it.

  2. Such a touching birthday tribute to your boy. So sweet. This is too true: “It’s not easy being a parent; it’s not for the weak. The responsibility can be a heart-crusher. Yet, unspeakable joy trumps everything that is difficult.” Indeed, despite the heartbreak, rage, terror, and tears, it’s all worth it.

    Happy birthday to Boy!

  3. What a sweet post and Happy Birthday to Boy! You are going to love being a Grandmother! There is just no way to tell you how your heart will explode and how different it will be. You have the most wonderful journey still in front of you! Enjoy it!

  4. There is something so very sweet about watching our sons become fathers. Just spent a few days with my one-year old grandson, and loved watching my boy and his boy…nothing like it. He is tender, silly, patient–and learning how to relate to his little guy as only he can.

  5. Love this again. I’m so happy you’ve joined our grandma gang!

    Thank you for linking to the GRAND Social and commenting on links of the fellow partiers! ♥

  6. Like they say, “you had me at ‘hello!'” This is so beautifully written and so heartfelt. What a perfect family you are, full of love and good humor! I am so excited for you as you embark on the journey of grandparenthood. Looking forward to reading all about it!

  7. Thank you for such a lovely comment. I can’t wait. I feel like I’m about to bust out of my skin from anticipation!

  8. Such sweet memories of becoming a mother. Boy is one lucky son and I have a feeling his little one is going to be just as lucky! (after all when he picked Boy for his dad, he picked you as his Grama!)

Trackbacks

  1. […] After Boy was born, my sweet M-I-L ceremoniously handed me a folded and well-worn page torn from a women’s magazine in the late 50s or early 60s.  When I unfolded it, there was an image of a child’s birthday cake in the shape of an elephant.  She told me that she had made this elephant cake for Husband almost from the time he was born, until the family -probably out of sheer embarrassment – told her he was too old for such a childlike creation (I seriously think he was in his very late teens or early 20s when this happened.  My M-I-L is a sappy-for-all-things-kid-fun momma, just like me). […]

  2. […] #7:  Happy Birthday, Boy! (coincidentally, today is his birthday…Happy Birthday, Boy!) […]

  3. […] ago, when Boy signed up, he extolled the virtues of being able to order anything he desired from the endless […]

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