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Why are Women Still Hating Based on a Number?

Back in 2013, I wrote You Are More Than A Number.

Cliff Notes: what the hell are we doing letting a number define us, instruct our behavior or allowing us to diminish or expand our feelings of self-worth?


Women's Body Issues Revisited

Yep, 2014.  I just looked.

The funny thing is that almost a year later we’re still in a heated debate about those numbers.  Women are still too fat or too skinny depending on which camp you find yourself planted.

When I hear women debating this particular issue, they tend to be brutal, not only with their number, but with other women’s numbers.  It’s when I stand outside the white-hot debate, wondering why we are still obsessed, that I want to point out the bigger issues of the day we could concern ourselves with like war, famine, or the yoga-pants-are-not-pants firestorm that is happening right here in our own country, ladies!

Everything has a cycle.  It’s our nature to like this and not that until this begins to bore us and we’re on to that again. For me, the whole conversation makes my eyes roll back in my head from sheer exasperation and shock that as women we choose to waste our time on such unimaginative nastiness.

Be who you are, where you’re at.  If you like who you are, whoohoo!  If not, make a change based on you, not them.  Embrace you, baby.  And while you’re at it, embrace other women and girls and puppies, oh the puppies.

Have you heard Meghan Trainor’s song “All About The Bass” this summer? She’s catching flack because some think she’s bashing skinny girls in a song that’s an anthem to accepting your beautiful self if you’re bigger than a size two.

“Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches Hey!
No, I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat…”

Folks are riled because it’s the whole Hey! Here’s an insulting slur about you, but I’m just kidding. thang.  Just because it’s presented as kidding, a silly disposable joke, doesn’t mean it’s not demeaning.

See what you think.

The song is catchy and truth be told, I’ve already hijacked her “I’m bringing booty back” line more than I’d like to admit, but I’d prefer she own her number without bashing someone else’s.

To tear down others while lifting up yourself is weak.  While OMT can take some fun poked, I think of young impressionable girls who are still trying to figure out their body image issues (I was a much made fun of skinny girl growing up) and it makes me sad we’re still in this place of using a number to define others and ourselves.

It’s bullshit, ladies and gentleman, and I propose we stop it on both sides.

Seriously, the more pressing matter of yoga-pants-are-not-pants demands that of us, don’t you think?



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Monday 4th of August 2014

This is so well written. Lots of food for thought. I was talking just the other day with friends at work about whether they could wear a bikini on holiday. I am saying "hell yes" if you want to wear a bikini just do it. What I tend to get back is "it's ok for you, you are dead skinny". I'm really not that skinny, I have stretch marks and wobbly bits just like everyone else. It is sad that so many people are so quick to criticize, too fat, too skinny, really? I do feel that unless a friend's weight is affecting their health there is no need to comment.

Patti Tucker

Monday 4th of August 2014

As one who has been called a skinny girl most of her life, I often found it interesting that women equated that with beauty because I would then want to strip off to prove their point wrong. See, wobbly bits! See, stretch marks! Same as you, just a different size, friend. Thank you for the kind words and for coming by to share, Julie.

Heather {Woods of Bell Trees}

Sunday 3rd of August 2014

Girl you said a mouthful! Weight was always a sensitive issue with me; I developed anorexia when I was 14 no one was ever ugly to me about being a little chunky, but I was - I beat myself up everyday! One day I was able to wakeup and realize that whether I was too fat, too skinny or just right (whatever that is) that I was gorgeous...not in a prideful way, but I love who I am sorta way. When I learned to love myself, I learned to love others too and now I see all women as lovely creatures!

Screw the scale and measuring tapes they don't mean squat! :D

Melissa D

Saturday 2nd of August 2014

I needed to read this today. I need to be kinder to myself--I have two little girls watching. <3

Patti Tucker

Saturday 2nd of August 2014

Please be kinder to yourself, Melissa. Those babies are looking to you for their worth. Give it to them in bucket loads! (as if you don't already ;) )

Ronda Chesser Porter

Friday 1st of August 2014

I was just the opposite. I was not a thin girl - but didn't know it. My mother instilled that in me, God bless her.

Patti Tucker

Friday 1st of August 2014

God bless your wise momma.

S.L. Payne

Friday 1st of August 2014

Great article! It is so sad that we find our value in external things. I have boys and I so want them to learn to value who a girl is rather than what she looks like. We talk a lot about being healthy and I'm always trying to phrase things about healthy choices rather than about any numbers. Thanks for your thoughts! -S.L. Payne,

Patti Tucker

Friday 1st of August 2014

Thank you. I raised a boy as well and wanted him to value the person not the size. I was cognizant of the fact that I was his model of what he would think of women and their capabilities. When he married a kick-ass gal, I knew he had learned well. Good job on raising yours, momma!

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