Fill Me Up, Baby

It’s been a month, 4 weeks and one day, of growing into my new role as Grandmutter (?), Grannna (?), Geema (?), and I want to share some unexpected truths I’ve learned.  Nothing but the best for you, my sweet readers.

Let’s bullet point this truth-down, shall we?

* I love my family deeply.  This love is crimson and wild and unconstrained, spilling and splashing its overwhelming goodness on anyone brave enough to get close.

* When I married Husband, I thought I knew all there was to know about the well of love.

* When I had Boy, I knew there was more to love than I previously thought to be true.

* When Boy married Girl, I suddenly had a daughter that wasn’t from my own womb, but that I now love as if she had been mine all along.

* When Boy and Girl gave us Sweet E, love expanded in ways I thought impossible.

* Watching Husband with his grandson for the first time nearly brought me to my knees.  He is a spectacular father, a loving and faithful husband, yet that day I watched him grow into a giant of a good man.

* Watching Boy with his son for the first time, and subsequent times after, has been a gift I never knew to be one of the greatest this world has to offer. My love for my child is legendary. Witnessing his young-man-to-father leap astonishes my heart. From the day of Sweet E’s birth to the end of my time here, my love for Boy officially exceeds the legend.

* Watching Girl become a mother before my very eyes was nothing short of faith becoming flesh.  She was transformed and I was transfixed.  We were on holy ground as the circle of life swept us out in the sea of love.

* I am a toe-in-the-water kinda gal.  My MO is to get the lay of the land before jumping in, but when I jump, I’m all in.  When Sweet E was born, I felt myself watching from a bit of a distance.  As a writer, I observe; it’s second nature.  I felt myself hold back.  Last week, when I went to help for a week, I jumped in. Now, I’m hopelessly in love with that child.

* I thought I was filled pre-E; I thought my love o’meter was pegged.  Had I learned nothing in this life?!  I honestly thought that we’d eagerly welcome this new edition with open and grateful arms, but I hadn’t counted on how my heart would grow, how our hearts would be filled to overflowing….again!

Those of you who have read here for a while, know I worried about how I would handle this new role as a grandmama.  It felt foreign and awkward.  I didn’t feel grandmothery.  How do I do that?!

I shouldn’t have worried.  Sweet E is here and he has taken ahold of my heart and led me to understanding; I have love and it’s enough.

Fill me up, baby!

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