Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It’s All The Rage

Mrs. Tucker is a sunny gal, y’all.  Easy to get along with.  Full of happiness and optimism.  Silly².  Except when she ain’t.  Witness Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four of my perimenopause journey.

Perimenopause is the bitchiest of bitches.  She will cut you.  Can I get an AMEN?!

Perimenopause Can SUCK IT #5

I just recovered from one of the absolute worst days I’ve had so far with the beast of biblical proportions known as perimenopause.  The mythical rage of hormones I have heard whispered about, yet have never experienced, dropped by for a smack down.

During visitation hours, all I wanted to do was beat the holy hell out of something/someone and then sleep it off, like a bad hangover.  Oh, and cry.  I wanted to cry.  A lot.

What exactly is going on when this hormonal rage happens? (For those of you who haven’t experienced this mofo, using the word “rage” doesn’t adequately express the transformation.)  I know the following is politically incorrect and a tad shocking, but it’s hammer-to-the-nail truth: I wanted to break bones.  Bust teeth.  Kick in doors.  Dare someone to get.in.my.way.

Me.  The optimist and annoyingly happy/silly/laughy gurl.

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

~researchresearchresearch~

Turns out that perimenopausal rage is a thing. 

YAY!  Aren’t we lucky?!

* Little thangs become BIG THANGS.  Yep.  I have that.  Hormonal dips and imbalances are likely the culprit.  One minute the blue bird’s song is endearing, the next it’s so grating you’re looking for your shotgun.

* Anxiety x 100.  Yeah, got that too.  You know the mommy-disaster-visions you are used to having? Child is late getting home by 10 minutes = they are dying in a ditch, bleeding out, all alone.  During perimenopause it’s the same, but waaay more twisted.  The ditch is a living burning inferno and their souls are in danger of crisping around the edges and it’s all because you SUCKED as a mother.  One more popsicle!  That’s all they wanted.  Would that have been so bad?!  Yeah.  Like that.  Everything illogical, pressing and expanded.  Over and over.  Again, hormones.

* Turns out if you suffer/suffered from bad PMS, the likelihood of you having postmenopausal rage is high.  Salt meet wound.

* Did you experience postpartum depression?  Women who suffered with postpartum may have brains that are more sensitive to hormonal imbalances and therefore will get the double-whammy in perimenopause.  Seems so cruel, doesn’t it?

Basically, the hormones that have made me such a happy gal my whole life are now waning, or are disproportionate to the other hormones running roughshod throughout my veins.

There are lots of solutions available to ease this transition, including exercise, good health habits (no smoking, less sugar and caffeine), drugs, creams, bio-identicals, alternative meds and plain old nutrition.

Personally, I’ve advised Husband to hang on, baby!  OMT is going native.  No drugs, no creams, no antidepressants.  Just plain old digging in and moving through.  Maybe, with a knife between my teeth and a hand grenade on my belt, but plain old gutting it out.  God-willing, I’ll make it to the other side and one day laugh about it.  Remember that time I wanted to BEAT ALL THE THINGS?!  Oh, hahahahahaha!

Important Note: Each of us must educate ourselves and make decisions that are in our best interests.  While I have researched the dog out of perimenopause and have decided to ride out the storm sans drugs doesn’t mean that’s the right decision for you, nor should we judge each other for our decisions.  HELL NO!  Let us band together, as the fierce women we are, and get to the other side of this bitch with our sanity and good humor…no matter what path we take.

Speaking of Husband, or more to the point husbands, I read a shocking stat about women older than 50 (just about the age perimenopause rages) and divorce: A half-century ago, only 2.8 percent of Americans older than 50 were divorced. By 2000, 11.8 percent were. In 2011, according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 15.4 percent were divorced and another 2.1 percent were separated. Some 13.5 percent were widowed.

Whoa.  It made me think about my awful no good day from Husband’s perspective.  The person he was having dinner with that night certainly wasn’t the gal he had married.  Poor man.  The upshot to this is we talk about it openly.  There are no egg shells to be afraid of here.

Him: Having a bad day?

Me: YEAH, WHAT’S IT TO YA?! WANNA GO?!  ~head fake~  DO YA?!

Both of us: Holy crap!

Me, the next day: ♫ sorry…love you!  smooch smooch kissy kiss ♫

I try like hell not to let the skewed emotions get the best of me and most days I succeed.  But, for the moments I don’t, we simply move on, knowing tomorrow will be better.  So far, so good.  Thank God.

Husband is understanding and accepting that this is life right now.  We’ll get through it like everything else that has come down the road.

Yet, the stats made me wonder if the divorce rate is higher in the 50-year-old and above category because people shy away from talking about the hard stuff.  I’m not saying there weren’t other problems in those marriages, or that we don’t live in a different time where divorces are easier, but if folks talked openly about how hard some days would be and no one took the extreme crankiness personally, would the rates be the same?

Knowledge is power.  One day, when perimenopause is bursting through your door, raging up the joint, this little bit of info will help.

You’re not going crazy.

This is normal.

You will live through it.

Your Husband will take off his flak jacket one day.

Until then, man alive, hang on.  Let’s get through it.

Perimenopause can SUCK it.

 

* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.

~If you liked this post, please help me spread the SUCK IT love by sharing on your favorite social media. Thank you!~

 

Please Share on Your Favorite Social Media! ~ OMT thanks you! ~
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Comments

  1. Oh I’m past ‘peri’ into the full-fledged throes. It does suck!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I spoke with a friend yesterday and she advised that once we’re thru the hell of perimenopause (ALL dem years leading to menopause) that it’s FABULOUS! ~jazz hands here~ Can’t. Wait.

      • Barbeqchip says:

        Well good luck to your next phase in life MENOPAUSAL and honey, this really sucks. Sorry…

  2. Whoa! Looks like I have lots of fun on the horizon. I love your humor in all this! Hope things get better!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      So. Much. FUN! My “moments” so far have been less than 24-hours, so I’m thankful for that. After-the-fact we have a good laugh, but there’s still a little terror in Husband’s eyes. LOL!

      • Barbeqchip says:

        Ms. Tucker, Thank you and thank the Lord forthis site. At 42years of age,my male doctor said I was crazy in the head and depressed. 58 years of age today.
        My rages are so violent, can’t believe my husband would want to stay with me or is still alive…
        So,today I have lost my last friendship.My sister-in-law Sharon. She says honestly You need. Well that bithch…but I love her and she is correct. I will find a doctor (not a man) and start HRT Therapy.
        My question: What are some of the good therapies out there? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks ( won’t use Premerian,-horse piss)

      • Barbeqchip says:

        My hubby has that fear of life in his eyes. I an so sorry because I put them there and that hurts everyday when I have to look into them eyes…

  3. Missy Homemaker says:

    THANK YOU!! for making me feel like I’m not crazy.
    My dr. informed me at the ripe old age of 33 that I was suffering from perimenopause due to my tubal ligation after I had my son. I am now 39 and have been going through this for 6 very long years of crazy town. The rage is the worst. My poor kids just back away slowly and my husband looks at me like I should be committed.

  4. Oh dear. I’m no looking forward to this. And I will most likely have teenagers when it hits. God help us all.

  5. I am laughing out loud over here! You just described a typical day for me as I am in the same place right now at 42. Your sense of humor will get you through (I suspect it may have already gotten you through worse stuff than this). You just earned an instant fan. I am looking forward to reading more from you- I love your style! Oh, and I also am battling my PM au naturel but my hubby did some reading of his own and got me some vitamin E to add to my daily routine. I have to say it’s REALLY helped with the hot flashes, which bring on a separate kind of rage all their own for me.

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      A new fan! Wheeeeee!!! The laughter diverts the rage…hahahaha! My husband wondered if vit D would help and I love that they’ve taken to doing some research on their own (out of fear?! LOL!) Glad to know you’ve found a natural help aid, and thanks for passing that info along. Thanks for joining in this convo and for the nice words.

  6. So GLAD I found ya! Yes, perimenopause can suck it indeed!

  7. Ha-ha-ha! Of all the remedies, I think the “hang on” is what worked best for me. I’m post-menopausal now and things, my rage, my lack of sleep, my anxiety have all dwindled to a peaceful place. But it took a lot of hanging on and hope that it would pass before I did!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I’m fortunate that my symptoms aren’t constant; they come on, then usually abate in a day. I can’t imagine having them constantly, like some of my friends. So, unless that changes, I’ll continue to HANG ON!

  8. I am only 35 and experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. I need to set a doctor’s appointment for the first of the year. NOT looking forward to any of this!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I am having the least amount of issues among my friends and I attribute it to running. Not scientific at all, other than the research pointing to those who exercise regularly have a greater chance of less symptoms. Oh, and a sense of humor helps…

  9. JU SO FONII!!! Here from the Grand Social and recognize BB in many of those scenarios. Gonna give you a heads up- went to get the loved Pap test and was told “Menopause” is when we’ve been w/out menstruation for a FULL YEAR!! 6 months and counting… it’s gotta be better than peri right? Please say si. ; ) BB2U

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Yes, many people get perimenopause and menopause confused. 6 ore moths! I have been told reaching the other side is great. So, si!

  10. Michelle @ Life on the Horizon says:

    I’m definitely bookmarking this – I’m just about there, teetering on the fence! Thanks for this!

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      Happy to help. I was talking to a friend last nite and all we knew about perimenopause (before entering it) was that our mother’s had been terrors during theirs, but they never spoke of the details. I say we SPEAK OF THE DETAILS and demystify this transition. Thanks for coming by!

  11. OK, this one does it… I’m having my husband read your series TONIGHT. Then maybe – MAYBE – he’ll try to understand…

    • Mrs. Tucker says:

      I make mine read each one to make sure I’ve captured the realism of his reality (as well as mine). He’s been invaluable with his “nailed it.”

  12. Barbeqchip says:

    OMG!!! Found your site a few days ago and THANK YOU!!! You hit the nail on the head and all your readers that send their help, Thank You. NOW I KNOW IT”S REAL.
    Anyway, made an appointment and was in the next day. Dr. asked me the usual questions and then left the room. Came pack and was going to put me on PAXIL! You see I do have anxiety/panick attacks, so I already take Paxil. Doc leaves the room again. Comes back and suggest this may be a Mental Issue because I am on the Paxil and Zanax. ???????? What the hell, now I’m crazy. Should I just go check myself into the mental instittution. I also use progrestron cream monthly that did work for about 5 years.
    Doc suggest maybe I try estrogen for a month. Ok, I leave office and Doc calls in prescription. Well RX calls me and says they are out until tomorrow. Also received a call from Doc at home that I didn’t get to answer, she wants to talk to me??????????????????????? GZZ what could this be. I’ll write back later after Docs talk…
    I now know how bad females felt in the days they knew nothing about this problem! And right now I feel like I’m back in those days. lol

    • Perimenopause can suck it! I’m sorry it’s a dirty fight for you with your symptoms. I’m happy that the collective we on these pages have offered you a bit of help. Here’s hoping you find solutions that work for you.

  13. Thank you! I’m laughing and crying — it’s like having a sister who understands (which I do, but since I’m currently hating everyone, I don’t want to call her)! Thank you for letting me know it’s normal to be crazy; that I’m not the first and won’t be the last!

  14. Diagnosed perimenopausal at 35. Ugh! Only a year later I’ve had a few hot flashes, night sweats, and OMG the rage! Pretty sure my husband was thrilled to go to work. Our kids are almost afraid to ask me anything. Currently trying not to bite anyone’s head off.

  15. Katherine Brown says:

    Yes, yes, and yes! Thank you for this!!

  16. Michelle says:

    Yes! OMG! Yes! I fear for humanity every time I’m let loose into this world, especially while driving a car. This is crazy! I’m notoriously a demon when PMSing, so this epic! What I want to know is how does anyone manage or deal with the RAGE when you’re at work!? I can’t necessarily give a beat down to my co-workers, even though some of them seriously deserve it.

    I just turned 43 last week, and now have peri. Great gift. Help!

    • I dealt by running, especially sprints. That will wear your behind out fast and take away the punchy feeling.

      • Michelle says:

        Sadly, I am in physical therapy for my back. No hard core exercise for me. Also! Sorry I just saw this…

      • Funny you mentioned running. I am the youngest of 3 sisters aged 44-49 and we all live together. I run and my oldest sister gardens. We have noticed my oldest sister and I get much less severe symptoms of perimenopause than the middle sister who does not exercise. I have been researching peri rage because my middle sister who has always had terrible PMS, has been raging a lot. When she rages she gives herself headaches and heartburn because she is so angry. She yells, cusses, and makes us stuff she says we said. She then is the victim, says she has nothing to live for, and we all hate her. The rage is almost identical to her teenage years. My older sister and I try and take it as we know it isn’t her fault. We try and calm her down but she only gets more upset. She had a real bad evening yesterday and today all she did was call me a f-ing B when I said good morning. We refuse to take hormones as I am always on the lookout for natural remedies. Running and boxing help me a lot. I get lots of joint pain but I recently started taking flaxseed oil and I am like a new person. I have heard that vitamin B6 helps but my sister refuses to believe that her hormones might be attributing to her anger. She says it’s us and won’t take supplements or exercise and none of us will do hormones as it is believed that hormones gave our mom breast cancer which led to her passing. If anyone has any solutions please help.

        • Exercise has been shown to decrease perimenopause symptoms. Is it possible to print a few studies out for your sister? I love the idea of boxing…get it all out!

          It’s a tougher road for many, but there is lots you can do, other than take hormones. Good luck!

          • I’ve tried to tell her about exercise but she exercises about 6 times a year and thinks that is regular exercise. Like with everything unless the individual acknowledges a situation, there isn’t much hope for change. I just feel so bad for her because there are things that can help but she
            won’t try them. That is why I box. I would recommend boxing to anyone dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, anger, etc… It doesn’t have to be intense you just punch a bag or if you want more you bounce and punch. I think that and running help me cope with this stage of my life. Plus being educated on symptoms and finding creative ways to conquer them. I think education and sharing stories is key to coping with anything.

          • You are trying and that counts for a lot. I agree on the running to help cope. The story of my life! That and I’m now jumping rope…iiieee! So fun!

  17. Michelle says:

    Yeah, I agree that this peri business is just nuts! What I would like feedback on is: How do you all deal with it at work!? I feel like an indignant, shitty-attituded, teenage girl! The worst of all teenage demon kind. I need some help…tools…hope. Help! I feel like such a jacka$$!

    • I work from home, so I’m no help. Readers?

    • Well, here I am desperately grasping for any information on this rage nonsense. This has started within the last few months and was diagnosed as perimenopausal about 6 months ago. Got me thinking that I’ve been going through this for the 4 yrs that I have been having counceling for anxiety…hmmm
      So tomorrow I see an endocrinologist to help me sort this shit out. I have no idea what to expect but I will be letting her know about this rage development. Everything about this is sooo freaken scarey! Not just for me but my dogs too. They are my mood-o-meters and are currently sitting huddled together panting and shaking. No, I have not hurt them or yelled at them, they are just my reminders that things are waaaaay out of hand.
      Tai chi helps, but the stupid memory issues can be frustrating…kinda contradictory huh?!
      So here’s to women being given the f#$%ing worst deals ever! May we kick the shit out of all of this nonsense and manage to come out alive.

      • I hope you find a doc that can help you sort it out. Perimenopause can be awful.

      • Please do consider magnesium as I’ve found this truly helpful with the sudden onset of anxiety. My endo, wanted to whip me onto Zoloft/Prozac. I could not tell you how irked I was by this decision. I flat out refuse to be put into any anti depressant that merely “band aids” the problem instead of addressing the real issue. But from what I’ve read in many blogs, this seems to be the norm. So so infuriating and frustrating. Anti depressants bring along their own set of horrid side effects. I for one rather look at natural supplements to get me through this transition. If I have to white knuckle it, I will.

  18. I happened to notice in one of the above comments that one of the ladies mentioned that her doctor told her that due to her tubal ligation, she has been thrown into the throes of petimenopause. Is this in fact actually possible ? The reason I’m asking is because I had a ligation along with a endometrial ablation a year ago, and since this I’ve been facing daily onslaughts (I call this a full contact body sport) as everyday brings a new horrid symptom to the fore. I’ve suffered so badly, yet every doctor I’ve spoken to, dismisses my theory that all this hormonal turmoil I currently find myself in has nothing to do with the procedures I did. Yet I beg to differ. I’m 47, and the only symptoms I have not experienced are te hot flushes and the night sweats. The rest has driven me to despair. I have found that magnesium has helped my anxiet so much. Thank heavens for the magnesium. If only I could undo the damage of that ligation.

  19. Even better, is the lucky draw for me to be in the 1-5% of women who start perimenopause waaaaay before 50. I always had super PMS, but learned to control it in my mid-late 20s (with two kids already). Had my last child at 29, and an emotional reprieve for about 8-10yrs. I started noticing lighter menstrual cycles around 37, but no menopause symptoms. Bring on 42, and WHAMMO! Holy crap. I’m crying like a dumped teenager, trying to remember my teenage son doesn’t hate me just because he rolls his eyes at me, and my husband hasn’t left the toilet seat up in over 20yrs, so it couldn’t have been him. The poor very-old guy at church has to wear a sweater, or MOVE cuz that’s my fan and I want it on. I remember I’m not a total heathen, and have it turned down to medium… I have always been temperature sensitive. I hate to be hot (of course I live in SW Tx😂) and 10 degrees can make me too cold; again, Tx… Today it’s literally 40degrees warmer than yesterday. It’s pretty tough to convince hubbs that this is peri-menopause since it started out so young. But, he is getting it.😉 He is listening to me about it, and I think sneaking some research. He has always been the laid-back one. I’m praying for that to continue. 🙏🏻 I am doing it without meds as well. I have HBP that I refuse to take meds for (I did for a few years, again that started super YOUNG) so many things can spike my BP. Ugh! It’s going to be a loooong, wild ride. Thanks for the laugh in the face of such a stupid crapp-bomb, laugh…cry…scream…whatever 😂

    • Oh, Shanon…you are a freakin’ warrior! Perimenopause can be incredibly difficult and I’m glad you have perspective along the way. Your comment made me laugh…so there’s that? lol!

  20. Thanks for this. I was just sitting here bawling because first I’ve had pmdd my whole menstruating life, severe anxiety, pms, depression, postpartum depression, and now perimenopausal rage!!!!!!! WTF??? Why are some of us (ok, I’m really really mad at the ladies who are able to have sunny fun personalities most of their lives) born for torture. And here I am just trying not to yell at my 4 year old because she emptied out the conditioner into her bath water. Yep…if menopause if fabulous I want it tomorrow. I never say I deserve things but I deserve a freaking break already. I think 35+ years of pmdd, pms, anxiety and depression plus however long perimenopause is is QUITE ENOUGH ALREADY. There. Got that out…thanks for letting me know at least this rage thing is not something I suffer from all by myself.

    • I was relieved when I learned it’s a thing. Good thing God made women strong, cause we have to go through it all.

      One day, we’ll all ride off into the sunset on our candy unicorns, right? RIGHT?!?! lol

  21. Michelle S says:

    Last year when I read your blog for the first time I felt as though you were singing the song of my pains and frustrations – during a time that I felt very alone. Finally! Someone could empathize and tell me it was going to be a damn rough road, but I wasn’t alone. So with the support here I finally went to see my doctor. She said, “Yep, Michelle, you got it! Lets just do the blood test and see what we can do about helping you out. Come to find out that I actually have Hypothyroidism. If you haven’t been tested – GET YOUR HORMONES TESTED – ladies! Hypothyroidism presents the same way as Perimenopause, because its also a hormone imbalance, but with much bigger consequences if left untreated. Love and Peace to you all! 🌹 And Perimenopause can totally SUCK IT! ✊

    • So glad that you got this one figured out (had lots of thyroid testing too, so you’re ABSOLUTELY right), woman! It kills me that so few talk openly about what we experience. If we knew was it was normal, at least that can be comforting. Perimenopause Can SUCK IT!

  22. Bloated and Bitchy says:

    My rage is so bad today that I’m taking the rest of the day off! It took every last ounce of maturity to hold me back this morning as I wanted to play monster cars on the way to work. Now, the guy sitting across from me is practically licking the plastic out of the yogurt cup…”let it go dude, you ate it all’. 4 months sans period and all I want to do is pull my hair out. I started eating better, exercising, taking a little bit of supplements. NOTHING WORKS!! This imbalance is making me mental! I keep an eye on my calories. Scale says I lost 5 pounds, good job…my big girl slacks didn’t fit me this morning, bring on the tears. My hard work means nothing right now. I’m so bloated that I think I could make the Goodyear Blimp jealous. I often take this anger to gym but once I start exercising I realize, “wow! 3 sit-ups and I’m already exhausted?” The little control I had of my life is gone.

Trackbacks

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