Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
Can I get an AMEN?
Mrs. Tucker is a sunny gal, y'all.
Easy to get along with. Full of happiness and optimism. Silly².
Except when she ain't.
Witness:
All above are part of my perimenopausal journey.
My guess is much of what I write is also a part of yours.
Perimenopausal rages are the bitchiest of bitches.
Perimenopausal rage is mostly short-lived, but know she will cut you.
Can I get an AMEN?!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Hormonal anger (rage!) takes you by surprise.
I just recovered from one of the absolute worst days I've had so far with the beast of biblical proportions known as perimenopause.
The mythical hormonal rage I have heard whispered about, yet had never experienced, dropped by for a smack down.
During visitation hours, all I wanted to do was beat the holy hell out of something/someone and then sleep it off, like a bad hangover.
Oh, and cry. I wanted to cry. A lot.
I had questions:
Why does perimenopause make me feel so stinkin' angry?
In one word: hormones swings.
Those wonderful magical hormones that started in our youth, that got us to and through puberty, those hormones.
I see you giving a Clint Eastwood squint - and rightly so; they are daring you to make their day.
Why you gotta turn on us, hormones?!
Cliffs Notes: it's not you; it's them.
What exactly is going on when this perimenopausal rage happens?
For those of you who haven't experienced this perimenopause oldie but goodie, using the word "rage" isn't hyperbole; it truly doesn't adequately express the transformation to your body and psyche.
I know the following is politically incorrect and a tad shocking, but it's hammer-to-the-nail truth: I wanted to break bones. Bust teeth. Kick in doors. Dare someone to get.in.my.way.
No one was more surprised than me (except maybe Garry).
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Me - the optimist and annoyingly happy/silly/laughy gurl.
What follows in maybe a little exaggerated. Maybe.
Garry finds me seething over, well, nothing much.
G: Should I be scared? Should I hide? Should I RUN?!
OMT: ~silent eye-twitch~
Y'all know I'm kidding. Kinda.
The only proactive thing left to do was research the hell out of what was happening to me - and you.
~researchresearchresearch~
Turns out that perimenopausal rage is a documented thing.
It's common. It's normal. It's utterly disturbing and exhausting, but totally a thing.
YAY! Aren't we lucky?!
Little thangs become BIG THANGS . Yep. I have that.
Hormonal dips and imbalances are likely the culprit.
When you're on a hormonal high, life is great.
When your hormones are exiting, stage right...
One minute the blue bird's song is endearing, the next it's so grating you're looking for your shotgun.
Those little thangs definitely become big thangs.
Anxiety x100
Yeah, got that too.
You know the mommy-disaster-visions you are used to having? Get ready for that part of your brain to explode to scenarios that are Hollywood blockbuster worthy.
During perimenopause it's the same, but waaay more twisted and D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C!
We've all had the child crashed in a ditch images when said child is late getting home.
This is your brain on perimenopause:
Child is late getting home by 10 minutes = they are dying in a ditch, bleeding out, all alone. The ditch is a living burning inferno and their souls are in danger of crisping around the edges and it's all because you SUCKED as a mother. They're screaming silent screams that only you can hear. They are BEGGING for you to come find them - SAVE THEM. All you can think about is every way you denied them. One more popsicle! That's all they wanted. Would that have been so bad?!
Yeah. Like that.
Everything is illogical, pressing and expanded. Everything is hot, dire and life altering.
It's hard to breath. It's hard to think. It's hard to not look like a raving lunatic.
Over and over.
Again, raging hormones.
Turns out if you suffer/suffered from bad PMS, the likelihood of you having postmenopausal rage is high.
Salt meet wound.
Women get the short end of the hormone stick, to be sure.
The twist to this is I didn't have terrible PMS. I kinda sailed through my monthly cycles.
THE LIES OF SCIENCE!
Hang on, my babies.
Did you experience postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression sucks in itself; it's a horrible affliction.
Turns out that women who suffered with postpartum may have brains that are more sensitive to hormonal imbalances and therefore will get the double-whammy in perimenopause.
If you suffered from postpartum depression it doesn't mean that perimenopause will be hell, but on the plus side if it is: you lived through that horrible post-baby depression and you will live through this.
Just give loved ones a heads up. RUUUUNNN!!!
Two issues that also contribute to the rage are: perimenopause weight gain and trying like hell to lose the extra pounds.
It's awful.
For years you've eaten the same diet. You know your limits. You know what will make you gain and what you can get away with.
A glass of champagne and some cake? Yes, please!
Overnight all of that familiar understanding with your body disappears.
You eat an apple and BAMMO! you're five pounds heavier.
Luckily, I've written anther post that tackles each issue.
It focuses on how to lose weight (that you may gain) during perimenopause.
To Recap: You enter perimenopause. You start raging like an out of control wildfire and then on top of it all, you loss start packing on the unexpected pounds, eating basically the same foods, because your metabolism drops.
Seems so cruel, doesn't it?
Basically, the hormones that have made me (and you) such a happy gal my whole life are now waning, or are disproportionate to the other hormones running roughshod throughout my veins.
It's the beauty and the curse of womanhood.
All of this led me to the next question:
Is there a perimenopause treatment that works?
There are lots of solutions available to ease this transition:
- exercise
- good health habits (no smoking, less sugar and caffeine)
- drugs, creams
- bio-identicals
- alternative meds
- plain old nutrition.
You'd do well to research the options you're comfortable with, and even discuss with your doctor.
Be advised though: most docs are in the dark when it comes to treatment alternatives for perimenopause. It's getting better as Boomers age, but lawsy it's astonishing how little is known.
My experience was that their first line of action was hormone treatment, which I was having no part of.
This is not a judgement for those who want hormone replacement. Nope. No judgement.
It's a very personal choice how you tackle this new frontier in your life.
Personally, I've advised Husband to hang on, baby! OMT is going native.
No drugs, no creams, no antidepressants.
Just plain old digging in and moving through.
Maybe, with a knife between my teeth and a hand grenade on my belt, but plain old gutting it out.
God-willing, I'll make it to the other side and one day laugh about it.
Remember that time I wanted to BEAT ALL THE THINGS TO DEATH?! Oh, hahahahahaha!
Such hyperbole. Right?
RIGHT?!
Important Note on any perimenopause treatment you find or want to try:
You are the boss of you, which means you get to decide how perimenopause looks for you.
Each of us must educate ourselves and make decisions that are in our best interests.
While I have researched the dog out of perimenopause and have decided to ride out the storm sans drugs doesn't mean that's the right decision for you, nor should we judge each other for our decisions.
HELL NO!
Let us band together, as the fierce women we are, and get to the other side of this bitch with our sanity and good humor...no matter what path we take.
Speaking of Husband, or more to the point husbands, I read a shocking stat about women older than 50 (just about the age perimenopause rages) and divorce: A half-century ago, only 2.8 percent of Americans older than 50 were divorced. By 2000, 11.8 percent were. In 2011, according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 15.4 percent were divorced and another 2.1 percent were separated. Some 13.5 percent were widowed.
Whoa.
It made me think about my awful no good day from Husband's perspective, because perimenopause rage towards husbands is a real thang.
I'm lucky; I married up.
Garry takes whatever comes our way in stride.
Even when his beloved turns into a squinty-eyed, pursed-lipped, hot mess of her former self.
The person he was having dinner with that one particular rage-y night certainly wasn't the gal he had married.
Poor man.
The upshot to this is we talk about it openly. There are no egg shells to be afraid of here.
Him: Having a bad day?
Me: YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?! WANNA GO?! ~head fake~ DO YA?!
Both of us: Holy crap!
Me, the next day: ♫ sorry...love you! smooch smooch kissy kiss ♫
I try like hell not to let the skewed emotions get the best of me and most days I succeed.
For the moments I don't, when I fail to tame the perimenopause rage beast, we simply move on, knowing tomorrow will be better.
So far, so good.
Thank God.
Husband is understanding and accepting that this is life right now. We'll get through it like everything else that has come down the road.
Yet, the stats made me wonder if the divorce rate is higher in the 50-year-old and above category because people shy away from talking about the hard stuff.
I'm not saying there weren't other problems in those marriages, or that we don't live in a different time where divorces are easier, but if folks talked openly about how hard some days would be and no one took the extreme crankiness personally, would the rates be the same?
As with all things, perimenopause symptoms included, knowledge is power.
On that fateful day, when perimenopause is bursting through your door, raging up the joint, I'm hoping this little bit of info will help.
You're not going crazy.
This is normal (even the new regular UTIs - but, never fear, I have a post: Home remedies for UTI).
You will live through it.
Your Husband will take off his flak jacket one day.
Until then, man alive, hang on. Let's get through this thang.
And pray that there's not a post about an anger menopause beast!
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Original post dated: 10/25/2013. Updated post 1/05/2023
Oh I'm past 'peri' into the full-fledged throes. It does suck!
I spoke with a friend yesterday and she advised that once we're thru the hell of perimenopause (ALL dem years leading to menopause) that it's FABULOUS! ~jazz hands here~ Can't. Wait.
Well good luck to your next phase in life MENOPAUSAL and honey, this really sucks. Sorry...
Whoa! Looks like I have lots of fun on the horizon. I love your humor in all this! Hope things get better!
So. Much. FUN! My "moments" so far have been less than 24-hours, so I'm thankful for that. After-the-fact we have a good laugh, but there's still a little terror in Husband's eyes. LOL!
Ms. Tucker, Thank you and thank the Lord forthis site. At 42years of age,my male doctor said I was crazy in the head and depressed. 58 years of age today.
My rages are so violent, can't believe my husband would want to stay with me or is still alive...
So,today I have lost my last friendship.My sister-in-law Sharon. She says honestly You need. Well that bithch...but I love her and she is correct. I will find a doctor (not a man) and start HRT Therapy.
My question: What are some of the good therapies out there? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks ( won't use Premerian,-horse piss)
My hubby has that fear of life in his eyes. I an so sorry because I put them there and that hurts everyday when I have to look into them eyes...
THANK YOU!! for making me feel like I'm not crazy.
My dr. informed me at the ripe old age of 33 that I was suffering from perimenopause due to my tubal ligation after I had my son. I am now 39 and have been going through this for 6 very long years of crazy town. The rage is the worst. My poor kids just back away slowly and my husband looks at me like I should be committed.
You are not crazy! I hope you are almost over that hill. Ugh.
Oh dear. I'm no looking forward to this. And I will most likely have teenagers when it hits. God help us all.
That gave me a shiver! GOOD LUCK!
I am laughing out loud over here! You just described a typical day for me as I am in the same place right now at 42. Your sense of humor will get you through (I suspect it may have already gotten you through worse stuff than this). You just earned an instant fan. I am looking forward to reading more from you- I love your style! Oh, and I also am battling my PM au naturel but my hubby did some reading of his own and got me some vitamin E to add to my daily routine. I have to say it's REALLY helped with the hot flashes, which bring on a separate kind of rage all their own for me.
A new fan! Wheeeeee!!! The laughter diverts the rage...hahahaha! My husband wondered if vit D would help and I love that they've taken to doing some research on their own (out of fear?! LOL!) Glad to know you've found a natural help aid, and thanks for passing that info along. Thanks for joining in this convo and for the nice words.
So GLAD I found ya! Yes, perimenopause can suck it indeed!
LOL! Yes, yes it can.
Ha-ha-ha! Of all the remedies, I think the "hang on" is what worked best for me. I'm post-menopausal now and things, my rage, my lack of sleep, my anxiety have all dwindled to a peaceful place. But it took a lot of hanging on and hope that it would pass before I did!
I'm fortunate that my symptoms aren't constant; they come on, then usually abate in a day. I can't imagine having them constantly, like some of my friends. So, unless that changes, I'll continue to HANG ON!
I am only 35 and experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. I need to set a doctor's appointment for the first of the year. NOT looking forward to any of this!
I am having the least amount of issues among my friends and I attribute it to running. Not scientific at all, other than the research pointing to those who exercise regularly have a greater chance of less symptoms. Oh, and a sense of humor helps...
JU SO FONII!!! Here from the Grand Social and recognize BB in many of those scenarios. Gonna give you a heads up- went to get the loved Pap test and was told "Menopause" is when we've been w/out menstruation for a FULL YEAR!! 6 months and counting... it's gotta be better than peri right? Please say si. ; ) BB2U
Yes, many people get perimenopause and menopause confused. 6 ore moths! I have been told reaching the other side is great. So, si!
I'm definitely bookmarking this - I'm just about there, teetering on the fence! Thanks for this!
Happy to help. I was talking to a friend last nite and all we knew about perimenopause (before entering it) was that our mother's had been terrors during theirs, but they never spoke of the details. I say we SPEAK OF THE DETAILS and demystify this transition. Thanks for coming by!