Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
Can I get an AMEN?
Mrs. Tucker is a sunny gal, y'all.
Easy to get along with. Full of happiness and optimism. Silly².
Except when she ain't.
Witness:
All above are part of my perimenopausal journey.
My guess is much of what I write is also a part of yours.
Perimenopausal rages are the bitchiest of bitches.
Perimenopausal rage is mostly short-lived, but know she will cut you.
Can I get an AMEN?!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Hormonal anger (rage!) takes you by surprise.
I just recovered from one of the absolute worst days I've had so far with the beast of biblical proportions known as perimenopause.
The mythical hormonal rage I have heard whispered about, yet had never experienced, dropped by for a smack down.
During visitation hours, all I wanted to do was beat the holy hell out of something/someone and then sleep it off, like a bad hangover.
Oh, and cry. I wanted to cry. A lot.
I had questions:
Why does perimenopause make me feel so stinkin' angry?
In one word: hormones swings.
Those wonderful magical hormones that started in our youth, that got us to and through puberty, those hormones.
I see you giving a Clint Eastwood squint - and rightly so; they are daring you to make their day.
Why you gotta turn on us, hormones?!
Cliffs Notes: it's not you; it's them.
What exactly is going on when this perimenopausal rage happens?
For those of you who haven't experienced this perimenopause oldie but goodie, using the word "rage" isn't hyperbole; it truly doesn't adequately express the transformation to your body and psyche.
I know the following is politically incorrect and a tad shocking, but it's hammer-to-the-nail truth: I wanted to break bones. Bust teeth. Kick in doors. Dare someone to get.in.my.way.
No one was more surprised than me (except maybe Garry).
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Me - the optimist and annoyingly happy/silly/laughy gurl.
What follows in maybe a little exaggerated. Maybe.
Garry finds me seething over, well, nothing much.
G: Should I be scared? Should I hide? Should I RUN?!
OMT: ~silent eye-twitch~
Y'all know I'm kidding. Kinda.
The only proactive thing left to do was research the hell out of what was happening to me - and you.
~researchresearchresearch~
Turns out that perimenopausal rage is a documented thing.
It's common. It's normal. It's utterly disturbing and exhausting, but totally a thing.
YAY! Aren't we lucky?!
Little thangs become BIG THANGS . Yep. I have that.
Hormonal dips and imbalances are likely the culprit.
When you're on a hormonal high, life is great.
When your hormones are exiting, stage right...
One minute the blue bird's song is endearing, the next it's so grating you're looking for your shotgun.
Those little thangs definitely become big thangs.
Anxiety x100
Yeah, got that too.
You know the mommy-disaster-visions you are used to having? Get ready for that part of your brain to explode to scenarios that are Hollywood blockbuster worthy.
During perimenopause it's the same, but waaay more twisted and D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C!
We've all had the child crashed in a ditch images when said child is late getting home.
This is your brain on perimenopause:
Child is late getting home by 10 minutes = they are dying in a ditch, bleeding out, all alone. The ditch is a living burning inferno and their souls are in danger of crisping around the edges and it's all because you SUCKED as a mother. They're screaming silent screams that only you can hear. They are BEGGING for you to come find them - SAVE THEM. All you can think about is every way you denied them. One more popsicle! That's all they wanted. Would that have been so bad?!
Yeah. Like that.
Everything is illogical, pressing and expanded. Everything is hot, dire and life altering.
It's hard to breath. It's hard to think. It's hard to not look like a raving lunatic.
Over and over.
Again, raging hormones.
Turns out if you suffer/suffered from bad PMS, the likelihood of you having postmenopausal rage is high.
Salt meet wound.
Women get the short end of the hormone stick, to be sure.
The twist to this is I didn't have terrible PMS. I kinda sailed through my monthly cycles.
THE LIES OF SCIENCE!
Hang on, my babies.
Did you experience postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression sucks in itself; it's a horrible affliction.
Turns out that women who suffered with postpartum may have brains that are more sensitive to hormonal imbalances and therefore will get the double-whammy in perimenopause.
If you suffered from postpartum depression it doesn't mean that perimenopause will be hell, but on the plus side if it is: you lived through that horrible post-baby depression and you will live through this.
Just give loved ones a heads up. RUUUUNNN!!!
Two issues that also contribute to the rage are: perimenopause weight gain and trying like hell to lose the extra pounds.
It's awful.
For years you've eaten the same diet. You know your limits. You know what will make you gain and what you can get away with.
A glass of champagne and some cake? Yes, please!
Overnight all of that familiar understanding with your body disappears.
You eat an apple and BAMMO! you're five pounds heavier.
Luckily, I've written anther post that tackles each issue.
It focuses on how to lose weight (that you may gain) during perimenopause.
To Recap: You enter perimenopause. You start raging like an out of control wildfire and then on top of it all, you loss start packing on the unexpected pounds, eating basically the same foods, because your metabolism drops.
Seems so cruel, doesn't it?
Basically, the hormones that have made me (and you) such a happy gal my whole life are now waning, or are disproportionate to the other hormones running roughshod throughout my veins.
It's the beauty and the curse of womanhood.
All of this led me to the next question:
Is there a perimenopause treatment that works?
There are lots of solutions available to ease this transition:
- exercise
- good health habits (no smoking, less sugar and caffeine)
- drugs, creams
- bio-identicals
- alternative meds
- plain old nutrition.
You'd do well to research the options you're comfortable with, and even discuss with your doctor.
Be advised though: most docs are in the dark when it comes to treatment alternatives for perimenopause. It's getting better as Boomers age, but lawsy it's astonishing how little is known.
My experience was that their first line of action was hormone treatment, which I was having no part of.
This is not a judgement for those who want hormone replacement. Nope. No judgement.
It's a very personal choice how you tackle this new frontier in your life.
Personally, I've advised Husband to hang on, baby! OMT is going native.
No drugs, no creams, no antidepressants.
Just plain old digging in and moving through.
Maybe, with a knife between my teeth and a hand grenade on my belt, but plain old gutting it out.
God-willing, I'll make it to the other side and one day laugh about it.
Remember that time I wanted to BEAT ALL THE THINGS TO DEATH?! Oh, hahahahahaha!
Such hyperbole. Right?
RIGHT?!
Important Note on any perimenopause treatment you find or want to try:
You are the boss of you, which means you get to decide how perimenopause looks for you.
Each of us must educate ourselves and make decisions that are in our best interests.
While I have researched the dog out of perimenopause and have decided to ride out the storm sans drugs doesn't mean that's the right decision for you, nor should we judge each other for our decisions.
HELL NO!
Let us band together, as the fierce women we are, and get to the other side of this bitch with our sanity and good humor...no matter what path we take.
Speaking of Husband, or more to the point husbands, I read a shocking stat about women older than 50 (just about the age perimenopause rages) and divorce: A half-century ago, only 2.8 percent of Americans older than 50 were divorced. By 2000, 11.8 percent were. In 2011, according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 15.4 percent were divorced and another 2.1 percent were separated. Some 13.5 percent were widowed.
Whoa.
It made me think about my awful no good day from Husband's perspective, because perimenopause rage towards husbands is a real thang.
I'm lucky; I married up.
Garry takes whatever comes our way in stride.
Even when his beloved turns into a squinty-eyed, pursed-lipped, hot mess of her former self.
The person he was having dinner with that one particular rage-y night certainly wasn't the gal he had married.
Poor man.
The upshot to this is we talk about it openly. There are no egg shells to be afraid of here.
Him: Having a bad day?
Me: YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?! WANNA GO?! ~head fake~ DO YA?!
Both of us: Holy crap!
Me, the next day: ♫ sorry...love you! smooch smooch kissy kiss ♫
I try like hell not to let the skewed emotions get the best of me and most days I succeed.
For the moments I don't, when I fail to tame the perimenopause rage beast, we simply move on, knowing tomorrow will be better.
So far, so good.
Thank God.
Husband is understanding and accepting that this is life right now. We'll get through it like everything else that has come down the road.
Yet, the stats made me wonder if the divorce rate is higher in the 50-year-old and above category because people shy away from talking about the hard stuff.
I'm not saying there weren't other problems in those marriages, or that we don't live in a different time where divorces are easier, but if folks talked openly about how hard some days would be and no one took the extreme crankiness personally, would the rates be the same?
As with all things, perimenopause symptoms included, knowledge is power.
On that fateful day, when perimenopause is bursting through your door, raging up the joint, I'm hoping this little bit of info will help.
You're not going crazy.
This is normal (even the new regular UTIs - but, never fear, I have a post: Home remedies for UTI).
You will live through it.
Your Husband will take off his flak jacket one day.
Until then, man alive, hang on. Let's get through this thang.
And pray that there's not a post about an anger menopause beast!
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Original post dated: 10/25/2013. Updated post 1/05/2023
OK, this one does it... I'm having my husband read your series TONIGHT. Then maybe - MAYBE - he'll try to understand...
I make mine read each one to make sure I've captured the realism of his reality (as well as mine). He's been invaluable with his "nailed it."
OMG!!! Found your site a few days ago and THANK YOU!!! You hit the nail on the head and all your readers that send their help, Thank You. NOW I KNOW IT"S REAL.
Anyway, made an appointment and was in the next day. Dr. asked me the usual questions and then left the room. Came pack and was going to put me on PAXIL! You see I do have anxiety/panick attacks, so I already take Paxil. Doc leaves the room again. Comes back and suggest this may be a Mental Issue because I am on the Paxil and Zanax. ???????? What the hell, now I'm crazy. Should I just go check myself into the mental instittution. I also use progrestron cream monthly that did work for about 5 years.
Doc suggest maybe I try estrogen for a month. Ok, I leave office and Doc calls in prescription. Well RX calls me and says they are out until tomorrow. Also received a call from Doc at home that I didn't get to answer, she wants to talk to me??????????????????????? GZZ what could this be. I'll write back later after Docs talk...
I now know how bad females felt in the days they knew nothing about this problem! And right now I feel like I'm back in those days. lol
Perimenopause can suck it! I'm sorry it's a dirty fight for you with your symptoms. I'm happy that the collective we on these pages have offered you a bit of help. Here's hoping you find solutions that work for you.
Thank you! I'm laughing and crying -- it's like having a sister who understands (which I do, but since I'm currently hating everyone, I don't want to call her)! Thank you for letting me know it's normal to be crazy; that I'm not the first and won't be the last!
It sucks, but it's also helpful to know we aren't alone. Gaa!
Diagnosed perimenopausal at 35. Ugh! Only a year later I've had a few hot flashes, night sweats, and OMG the rage! Pretty sure my husband was thrilled to go to work. Our kids are almost afraid to ask me anything. Currently trying not to bite anyone's head off.
We found that the more open we were about what the hell was happening (yikes!), the better days went.
Yes, yes, and yes! Thank you for this!!
You are welcome!
Yes! OMG! Yes! I fear for humanity every time I'm let loose into this world, especially while driving a car. This is crazy! I'm notoriously a demon when PMSing, so this epic! What I want to know is how does anyone manage or deal with the RAGE when you're at work!? I can't necessarily give a beat down to my co-workers, even though some of them seriously deserve it.
I just turned 43 last week, and now have peri. Great gift. Help!
I dealt by running, especially sprints. That will wear your behind out fast and take away the punchy feeling.
Sadly, I am in physical therapy for my back. No hard core exercise for me. Also! Sorry I just saw this...
Funny you mentioned running. I am the youngest of 3 sisters aged 44-49 and we all live together. I run and my oldest sister gardens. We have noticed my oldest sister and I get much less severe symptoms of perimenopause than the middle sister who does not exercise. I have been researching peri rage because my middle sister who has always had terrible PMS, has been raging a lot. When she rages she gives herself headaches and heartburn because she is so angry. She yells, cusses, and makes us stuff she says we said. She then is the victim, says she has nothing to live for, and we all hate her. The rage is almost identical to her teenage years. My older sister and I try and take it as we know it isn't her fault. We try and calm her down but she only gets more upset. She had a real bad evening yesterday and today all she did was call me a f-ing B when I said good morning. We refuse to take hormones as I am always on the lookout for natural remedies. Running and boxing help me a lot. I get lots of joint pain but I recently started taking flaxseed oil and I am like a new person. I have heard that vitamin B6 helps but my sister refuses to believe that her hormones might be attributing to her anger. She says it's us and won't take supplements or exercise and none of us will do hormones as it is believed that hormones gave our mom breast cancer which led to her passing. If anyone has any solutions please help.
Exercise has been shown to decrease perimenopause symptoms. Is it possible to print a few studies out for your sister? I love the idea of boxing...get it all out!
It's a tougher road for many, but there is lots you can do, other than take hormones. Good luck!
I've tried to tell her about exercise but she exercises about 6 times a year and thinks that is regular exercise. Like with everything unless the individual acknowledges a situation, there isn't much hope for change. I just feel so bad for her because there are things that can help but she
won't try them. That is why I box. I would recommend boxing to anyone dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, anger, etc... It doesn't have to be intense you just punch a bag or if you want more you bounce and punch. I think that and running help me cope with this stage of my life. Plus being educated on symptoms and finding creative ways to conquer them. I think education and sharing stories is key to coping with anything.
You are trying and that counts for a lot. I agree on the running to help cope. The story of my life! That and I'm now jumping rope...iiieee! So fun!
This is me!
Yeah, I agree that this peri business is just nuts! What I would like feedback on is: How do you all deal with it at work!? I feel like an indignant, shitty-attituded, teenage girl! The worst of all teenage demon kind. I need some help...tools...hope. Help! I feel like such a jacka$$!
I work from home, so I'm no help. Readers?
Well, here I am desperately grasping for any information on this rage nonsense. This has started within the last few months and was diagnosed as perimenopausal about 6 months ago. Got me thinking that I've been going through this for the 4 yrs that I have been having counceling for anxiety...hmmm
So tomorrow I see an endocrinologist to help me sort this shit out. I have no idea what to expect but I will be letting her know about this rage development. Everything about this is sooo freaken scarey! Not just for me but my dogs too. They are my mood-o-meters and are currently sitting huddled together panting and shaking. No, I have not hurt them or yelled at them, they are just my reminders that things are waaaaay out of hand.
Tai chi helps, but the stupid memory issues can be frustrating...kinda contradictory huh?!
So here's to women being given the f#$%ing worst deals ever! May we kick the shit out of all of this nonsense and manage to come out alive.
I hope you find a doc that can help you sort it out. Perimenopause can be awful.
Please do consider magnesium as I've found this truly helpful with the sudden onset of anxiety. My endo, wanted to whip me onto Zoloft/Prozac. I could not tell you how irked I was by this decision. I flat out refuse to be put into any anti depressant that merely "band aids" the problem instead of addressing the real issue. But from what I've read in many blogs, this seems to be the norm. So so infuriating and frustrating. Anti depressants bring along their own set of horrid side effects. I for one rather look at natural supplements to get me through this transition. If I have to white knuckle it, I will.