Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause Can Suck It #5: It's All The Rage
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
Can I get an AMEN?
Mrs. Tucker is a sunny gal, y'all.
Easy to get along with. Full of happiness and optimism. Silly².
Except when she ain't.
Witness:
All above are part of my perimenopausal journey.
My guess is much of what I write is also a part of yours.
Perimenopausal rages are the bitchiest of bitches.
Perimenopausal rage is mostly short-lived, but know she will cut you.
Can I get an AMEN?!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Hormonal anger (rage!) takes you by surprise.
I just recovered from one of the absolute worst days I've had so far with the beast of biblical proportions known as perimenopause.
The mythical hormonal rage I have heard whispered about, yet had never experienced, dropped by for a smack down.
During visitation hours, all I wanted to do was beat the holy hell out of something/someone and then sleep it off, like a bad hangover.
Oh, and cry. I wanted to cry. A lot.
I had questions:
Why does perimenopause make me feel so stinkin' angry?
In one word: hormones swings.
Those wonderful magical hormones that started in our youth, that got us to and through puberty, those hormones.
I see you giving a Clint Eastwood squint - and rightly so; they are daring you to make their day.
Why you gotta turn on us, hormones?!
Cliffs Notes: it's not you; it's them.
What exactly is going on when this perimenopausal rage happens?
For those of you who haven't experienced this perimenopause oldie but goodie, using the word "rage" isn't hyperbole; it truly doesn't adequately express the transformation to your body and psyche.
I know the following is politically incorrect and a tad shocking, but it's hammer-to-the-nail truth: I wanted to break bones. Bust teeth. Kick in doors. Dare someone to get.in.my.way.
No one was more surprised than me (except maybe Garry).
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Me - the optimist and annoyingly happy/silly/laughy gurl.
What follows in maybe a little exaggerated. Maybe.
Garry finds me seething over, well, nothing much.
G: Should I be scared? Should I hide? Should I RUN?!
OMT: ~silent eye-twitch~
Y'all know I'm kidding. Kinda.
The only proactive thing left to do was research the hell out of what was happening to me - and you.
~researchresearchresearch~
Turns out that perimenopausal rage is a documented thing.
It's common. It's normal. It's utterly disturbing and exhausting, but totally a thing.
YAY! Aren't we lucky?!
Little thangs become BIG THANGS . Yep. I have that.
Hormonal dips and imbalances are likely the culprit.
When you're on a hormonal high, life is great.
When your hormones are exiting, stage right...
One minute the blue bird's song is endearing, the next it's so grating you're looking for your shotgun.
Those little thangs definitely become big thangs.
Anxiety x100
Yeah, got that too.
You know the mommy-disaster-visions you are used to having? Get ready for that part of your brain to explode to scenarios that are Hollywood blockbuster worthy.
During perimenopause it's the same, but waaay more twisted and D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C!
We've all had the child crashed in a ditch images when said child is late getting home.
This is your brain on perimenopause:
Child is late getting home by 10 minutes = they are dying in a ditch, bleeding out, all alone. The ditch is a living burning inferno and their souls are in danger of crisping around the edges and it's all because you SUCKED as a mother. They're screaming silent screams that only you can hear. They are BEGGING for you to come find them - SAVE THEM. All you can think about is every way you denied them. One more popsicle! That's all they wanted. Would that have been so bad?!
Yeah. Like that.
Everything is illogical, pressing and expanded. Everything is hot, dire and life altering.
It's hard to breath. It's hard to think. It's hard to not look like a raving lunatic.
Over and over.
Again, raging hormones.
Turns out if you suffer/suffered from bad PMS, the likelihood of you having postmenopausal rage is high.
Salt meet wound.
Women get the short end of the hormone stick, to be sure.
The twist to this is I didn't have terrible PMS. I kinda sailed through my monthly cycles.
THE LIES OF SCIENCE!
Hang on, my babies.
Did you experience postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression sucks in itself; it's a horrible affliction.
Turns out that women who suffered with postpartum may have brains that are more sensitive to hormonal imbalances and therefore will get the double-whammy in perimenopause.
If you suffered from postpartum depression it doesn't mean that perimenopause will be hell, but on the plus side if it is: you lived through that horrible post-baby depression and you will live through this.
Just give loved ones a heads up. RUUUUNNN!!!
Two issues that also contribute to the rage are: perimenopause weight gain and trying like hell to lose the extra pounds.
It's awful.
For years you've eaten the same diet. You know your limits. You know what will make you gain and what you can get away with.
A glass of champagne and some cake? Yes, please!
Overnight all of that familiar understanding with your body disappears.
You eat an apple and BAMMO! you're five pounds heavier.
Luckily, I've written anther post that tackles each issue.
It focuses on how to lose weight (that you may gain) during perimenopause.
To Recap: You enter perimenopause. You start raging like an out of control wildfire and then on top of it all, you loss start packing on the unexpected pounds, eating basically the same foods, because your metabolism drops.
Seems so cruel, doesn't it?
Basically, the hormones that have made me (and you) such a happy gal my whole life are now waning, or are disproportionate to the other hormones running roughshod throughout my veins.
It's the beauty and the curse of womanhood.
All of this led me to the next question:
Is there a perimenopause treatment that works?
There are lots of solutions available to ease this transition:
- exercise
- good health habits (no smoking, less sugar and caffeine)
- drugs, creams
- bio-identicals
- alternative meds
- plain old nutrition.
You'd do well to research the options you're comfortable with, and even discuss with your doctor.
Be advised though: most docs are in the dark when it comes to treatment alternatives for perimenopause. It's getting better as Boomers age, but lawsy it's astonishing how little is known.
My experience was that their first line of action was hormone treatment, which I was having no part of.
This is not a judgement for those who want hormone replacement. Nope. No judgement.
It's a very personal choice how you tackle this new frontier in your life.
Personally, I've advised Husband to hang on, baby! OMT is going native.
No drugs, no creams, no antidepressants.
Just plain old digging in and moving through.
Maybe, with a knife between my teeth and a hand grenade on my belt, but plain old gutting it out.
God-willing, I'll make it to the other side and one day laugh about it.
Remember that time I wanted to BEAT ALL THE THINGS TO DEATH?! Oh, hahahahahaha!
Such hyperbole. Right?
RIGHT?!
Important Note on any perimenopause treatment you find or want to try:
You are the boss of you, which means you get to decide how perimenopause looks for you.
Each of us must educate ourselves and make decisions that are in our best interests.
While I have researched the dog out of perimenopause and have decided to ride out the storm sans drugs doesn't mean that's the right decision for you, nor should we judge each other for our decisions.
HELL NO!
Let us band together, as the fierce women we are, and get to the other side of this bitch with our sanity and good humor...no matter what path we take.
Speaking of Husband, or more to the point husbands, I read a shocking stat about women older than 50 (just about the age perimenopause rages) and divorce: A half-century ago, only 2.8 percent of Americans older than 50 were divorced. By 2000, 11.8 percent were. In 2011, according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 15.4 percent were divorced and another 2.1 percent were separated. Some 13.5 percent were widowed.
Whoa.
It made me think about my awful no good day from Husband's perspective, because perimenopause rage towards husbands is a real thang.
I'm lucky; I married up.
Garry takes whatever comes our way in stride.
Even when his beloved turns into a squinty-eyed, pursed-lipped, hot mess of her former self.
The person he was having dinner with that one particular rage-y night certainly wasn't the gal he had married.
Poor man.
The upshot to this is we talk about it openly. There are no egg shells to be afraid of here.
Him: Having a bad day?
Me: YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?! WANNA GO?! ~head fake~ DO YA?!
Both of us: Holy crap!
Me, the next day: ♫ sorry...love you! smooch smooch kissy kiss ♫
I try like hell not to let the skewed emotions get the best of me and most days I succeed.
For the moments I don't, when I fail to tame the perimenopause rage beast, we simply move on, knowing tomorrow will be better.
So far, so good.
Thank God.
Husband is understanding and accepting that this is life right now. We'll get through it like everything else that has come down the road.
Yet, the stats made me wonder if the divorce rate is higher in the 50-year-old and above category because people shy away from talking about the hard stuff.
I'm not saying there weren't other problems in those marriages, or that we don't live in a different time where divorces are easier, but if folks talked openly about how hard some days would be and no one took the extreme crankiness personally, would the rates be the same?
As with all things, perimenopause symptoms included, knowledge is power.
On that fateful day, when perimenopause is bursting through your door, raging up the joint, I'm hoping this little bit of info will help.
You're not going crazy.
This is normal (even the new regular UTIs - but, never fear, I have a post: Home remedies for UTI).
You will live through it.
Your Husband will take off his flak jacket one day.
Until then, man alive, hang on. Let's get through this thang.
And pray that there's not a post about an anger menopause beast!
Perimenopause rage - hormonal anger - can SUCK IT!
* Disclaimer: All information in this series is based on my personal experience and is not intended to take the place of your doctor’s advice.
Original post dated: 10/25/2013. Updated post 1/05/2023
I happened to notice in one of the above comments that one of the ladies mentioned that her doctor told her that due to her tubal ligation, she has been thrown into the throes of petimenopause. Is this in fact actually possible ? The reason I'm asking is because I had a ligation along with a endometrial ablation a year ago, and since this I've been facing daily onslaughts (I call this a full contact body sport) as everyday brings a new horrid symptom to the fore. I've suffered so badly, yet every doctor I've spoken to, dismisses my theory that all this hormonal turmoil I currently find myself in has nothing to do with the procedures I did. Yet I beg to differ. I'm 47, and the only symptoms I have not experienced are te hot flushes and the night sweats. The rest has driven me to despair. I have found that magnesium has helped my anxiet so much. Thank heavens for the magnesium. If only I could undo the damage of that ligation.
Even better, is the lucky draw for me to be in the 1-5% of women who start perimenopause waaaaay before 50. I always had super PMS, but learned to control it in my mid-late 20s (with two kids already). Had my last child at 29, and an emotional reprieve for about 8-10yrs. I started noticing lighter menstrual cycles around 37, but no menopause symptoms. Bring on 42, and WHAMMO! Holy crap. I'm crying like a dumped teenager, trying to remember my teenage son doesn't hate me just because he rolls his eyes at me, and my husband hasn't left the toilet seat up in over 20yrs, so it couldn't have been him. The poor very-old guy at church has to wear a sweater, or MOVE cuz that's my fan and I want it on. I remember I'm not a total heathen, and have it turned down to medium... I have always been temperature sensitive. I hate to be hot (of course I live in SW Tx?) and 10 degrees can make me too cold; again, Tx... Today it's literally 40degrees warmer than yesterday. It's pretty tough to convince hubbs that this is peri-menopause since it started out so young. But, he is getting it.? He is listening to me about it, and I think sneaking some research. He has always been the laid-back one. I'm praying for that to continue. ?? I am doing it without meds as well. I have HBP that I refuse to take meds for (I did for a few years, again that started super YOUNG) so many things can spike my BP. Ugh! It's going to be a loooong, wild ride. Thanks for the laugh in the face of such a stupid crapp-bomb, laugh...cry...scream...whatever ?
Oh, Shanon...you are a freakin' warrior! Perimenopause can be incredibly difficult and I'm glad you have perspective along the way. Your comment made me laugh...so there's that? lol!
Thanks for this. I was just sitting here bawling because first I've had pmdd my whole menstruating life, severe anxiety, pms, depression, postpartum depression, and now perimenopausal rage!!!!!!! WTF??? Why are some of us (ok, I'm really really mad at the ladies who are able to have sunny fun personalities most of their lives) born for torture. And here I am just trying not to yell at my 4 year old because she emptied out the conditioner into her bath water. Yep...if menopause if fabulous I want it tomorrow. I never say I deserve things but I deserve a freaking break already. I think 35+ years of pmdd, pms, anxiety and depression plus however long perimenopause is is QUITE ENOUGH ALREADY. There. Got that out...thanks for letting me know at least this rage thing is not something I suffer from all by myself.
I was relieved when I learned it's a thing. Good thing God made women strong, cause we have to go through it all.
One day, we'll all ride off into the sunset on our candy unicorns, right? RIGHT?!?! lol
Last year when I read your blog for the first time I felt as though you were singing the song of my pains and frustrations - during a time that I felt very alone. Finally! Someone could empathize and tell me it was going to be a damn rough road, but I wasn't alone. So with the support here I finally went to see my doctor. She said, "Yep, Michelle, you got it! Lets just do the blood test and see what we can do about helping you out. Come to find out that I actually have Hypothyroidism. If you haven't been tested - GET YOUR HORMONES TESTED - ladies! Hypothyroidism presents the same way as Perimenopause, because its also a hormone imbalance, but with much bigger consequences if left untreated. Love and Peace to you all! ? And Perimenopause can totally SUCK IT! ✊
So glad that you got this one figured out (had lots of thyroid testing too, so you're ABSOLUTELY right), woman! It kills me that so few talk openly about what we experience. If we knew was it was normal, at least that can be comforting. Perimenopause Can SUCK IT!
My rage is so bad today that I'm taking the rest of the day off! It took every last ounce of maturity to hold me back this morning as I wanted to play monster cars on the way to work. Now, the guy sitting across from me is practically licking the plastic out of the yogurt cup..."let it go dude, you ate it all'. 4 months sans period and all I want to do is pull my hair out. I started eating better, exercising, taking a little bit of supplements. NOTHING WORKS!! This imbalance is making me mental! I keep an eye on my calories. Scale says I lost 5 pounds, good job...my big girl slacks didn't fit me this morning, bring on the tears. My hard work means nothing right now. I'm so bloated that I think I could make the Goodyear Blimp jealous. I often take this anger to gym but once I start exercising I realize, "wow! 3 sit-ups and I'm already exhausted?" The little control I had of my life is gone.
Omg!!!! I'm not alone! The rage runs through my views like the hulk. I'm not myself! I hate it, which feeds the rage. I can't stand being in my own body during these episodes. I black out for moments from the anger. All I see is red. I almost seriously injured my child. I felt sick that something inside me was capable of that. Talk, talk, talk. To anyone who will listen. I talk myself through it. It's so very very hard. Thank you for your candid words. They are spot on.
I'm 100% relating to you girl! Hang in there!
I am now past all of it and can tell you - thangs get better!
Thank you is an gross understatement for this post!! I laughed so heard, I cried, and then laughed again and cried some more. I don't have a husband to lean on and feel for my 7 kiddos..especially my boys!!
Oh, Nicolle - perimenopause can SUCK it!
So happy you're here, but hate that the struggle is real.
Hello! I am absolutely going through this right now! Its horrible! I'm very worried! Is there as my supplements that can help? I heard of something called 5-htp. Do they help? Thank you. I hate this!
-Sara V
Oh, Sara - it is a beat won, isn't it? I didn't take any supplements, so I can't help you there.
My suggestion is to talk to your doc and do loads of research.
Hang in!
Thank you for this post!!! I'm 52 and waiting....and...waiting for something, anything because I want to get to the other side but now I'm second guessing myself. I definitely feel the metabolism thing and it sucks! Still have my period and ready to lose that shit anytime now. Over it. My son (17yrs old) asked me the other day you haven't gone thru menopause yet? When I said no he was like "oh boy". lol, Clearly he's heard war stories from his buddies. My only consolation is no PMS here & no post partum so hoping peri will not be too crazy but you never know. I tend to just be crazy period (in a good way that is). Solidarity sister. Love to know there's a tribe.
Women are warriors. We take the hormonal hits from youth, till old(er) age. HAnf in!
I laughed. I cried. I ate an apple and gained 5 pounds, too! Solidarity, sister!
#happynowlinkup
~dying~ You're killing me!