Do Grandparents Get Jealous of the Other Grandparents?
Do Grandparents Get Jealous of the Other Grandparents?
Jealous grandparents?! Grandparents?!
Do grandparents get jealous?
Yes, yes they do.
Who else just got uncomfortable?
If you are a parent, if you are a grandparent, you know that there can be some jealousy between grandparents.
It's okay.
While jealousy between grandparents is absolutely normal, it doesn't have to signal war.
Do Grandparents Experience The Green-Eyed Monster Of Jealously?
Well, that's some question, isn't it.
To tell you the truth, it makes me a little uncomfortable, simply because the short answer is yes.
YES! YES, WE DO!
Let's delve deeper, shall we?
Paternal Grandmother
Paternal grandparents are th parents of the baby's father.
A Paternal Grandmother Asks About Jealousy
The question, from a loving paternal grandmother, who is happy to share all she has, yet found herself in the momentary and surprisingly unexpected throes of jealousy brought on by the maternal grandmother holding her grandchild/spending time with her grandchild WITHOUT HER PRESENT (!) caused her to ask OMT!: Do other grandparents feel this way?
As stated in my inaugural Ask OMT! post:
Here’s What I Promise:
- I’ll answer as honestly as I can.
- I won’t sugarcoat or BS my way through the answers.
- I’ll offer this caveat: Once some things are seen, they can’t be unseen. Are y’all sure you want to know some thangs? Yeah? Ok…
- You’d trust this face, right?
Dealing With Jealousy
Jealousy Is A Hard Emotion To Discuss, Especially When Dealing With Grandparents.
Just the word causes my lip to curl.
The sound of it evokes discomfort and madness.
The feel of it, the same.
No one wants to feel it; no one wants to admit to feeling it.
To be completely clear, let's define jealousy: an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has.
So, in the world of your lovely grandchildren, can it be true that jealousy has taken up a spot in your warm and squishy grandparenty heart when you see the other grandparents acting like those are their grandchildren too?!
The Other Grandparents
Can You Believe That The Other Grandparents Are Spending Time With Your Grandchildren?!
What?
How dare they!
Hand 'em over!
~ stoopid jealousy ~
THE NERVE! (humor is a diffusing mechanism, y'all!)
Maternal Grandmother
What is a maternal grandmother or grandparents? Maternal grandparents are the parents of the baby's mom.
Time Spent Without You
Why Would The Maternal Or Paternal Grandparents Spending Time With The Grandkids Bug You?
I'll just leave this here: because they aren't you.
Ouch.
Sharing is caring!
Is It True You Are Feeling Unhappy Because You Want What They Have, IE Your Grandchild?
Yes. The answer is yes.
Why is this?
I think it's simple for us mommas: we spent all our child-rearing days protecting and sheltering our children from those we didn't really know and now we are in the position of not only sharing our precious grandchildren, but with those we may not know too well.
STRANGER DANGER 2.0
Your head will reason with you:
- Yes, these are the parents that raised your daughter-in-law/son-in-law. The same folks.
- They are loving parents and, most likely, loving grandparents.
- Yep, your grandchildren most likely love/adore them as well.
- In your head, intellectually, like a sane normal person, you get it.
- Yet, the knowledge of this does nothing for your desire to spend all your time with your little darlings.
- NO SHARING!
Someone Is Jealous
Pssst. I'm Gonna Let You In On Something You May Not Have Considered: You Are The Other Grandparents.
You can imagine the other grandparents might feel the same way you do when they see you, the other grandparents, holding their grandchild and it makes you have the feels in your tender heart for them.
Oh, my. This is dizzying.
What Is The Solution?
The Easiest Solution Is To Get To Know The interlopers Other Grandparents.
I mean, how can you not come to love and bond with people who will be happy to talk about your grandchild (all dem grandchildren) all day long?
HOW?!
The great thing is they will probably have cute cute cute pics of your grandchild that you have never seen and that you would be happy to oooo and aww over (Unless you have a tiny black heart and wish these people ill. Come on, now. Don't be like that. Let your heart grow, Grinchy Mcgee.)
I know when Sweet E is with his maternal side of the family, I always wish I was there too.
I don't even dislike his other grandparents - I like 'em!
I simply feel like I'm missing all the Sweet E fun.
My guess is they probably feel the same at times when he's with us (my adorable facebook photos of E probably doesn't help matters).
The Importance Of Being
The Importance Of Being A Grandparent Is, Well, Important.
Whether you fall on the paternal or maternal side of grandparenting, you are important in the overall equation.
Being part of an extended group, where you may not be completely familiar with the other side, can make for unexpected uncomfortable moments.
GIT YER HANDS OF MY GRANDKID!
Oh, lawsy.
Not good.
Time to get to know these people, just like you would like them to know you.
Golden Rule and all.
Congratulations, Grandparent!
You not only have a grandchild, you have the wonderful possibility of making new friends, of expanding your family!
Here's something else that's wonderful when you encourage a close relationship between all grandparents and grandchild:
Close Grandparent And Grandchildren Relationships
These bonds are beneficial to both.
Boston College did a study on the bond between grandparents and adult grandchildren.
In a nutshell, here's what they found:
In plain, non-jealousy, language, this means that the healthy loving emotional relationships between grandparents (all of ya!) and grandchildren carries over into the grandkids adult life.
The more you love 'em and are present when they are young, and then hold onto those relationships throughout their life, the better their psychological health when they become adults.
I think (hope) we can all get behind that.
Maternal Grandparents VS Paternal Grandparents
The issue of...us vs them.
The prevailing wisdom (I'm not saying it's right) is that girls are closer to their parents than boys.
When these lovely boys and girls have babies, many times it's assumed that the maternal grandparents will play the larger role.
POPPYCOCK!
We have always enjoyed a close relationship with our son and that didn't change upon the arrival of Sweet E.
My point to this bit of information is this: Go. Grandparent!
Maternal grandparent or paternal grandparent, none of it matters to that baby.
The Best Grandparent's Quote
The best advice I was given was from my beloved Father-In-Law.
Please note - he was the paternal grandad.
Your grandkids just want YOU; what they'll remember is that you were there.
I have found he was completely right.
Doesn't matter to the kiddo what side you're from - it only matters that you show up.
If that means you're feeling a bit of jealousy, buck up, buttercup.
Your grandchild awaits, no matter how or what you're feeling.
Surprise Jealousy
Grandparent jealousy can take you by surprise.
The thing to remember is that jealousy is a normal emotion.
We're basically all kindergartners who have trouble sharing!
The problem persists when you don't take the time to ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling.
And, if it's not obvious up to this point in this post, I'm talking about normal relationships between families and am excluding the relationships that may be dangerous, because we all know that families aren't always sunshine and unicorns.
I'm talking about jealousy between folks that won't shank anyone for doing something as lovely as loving your grandbabies.
Put Jealousy Into Perspective
When I find myself feeling anything other than grateful that Sweet E is loved by many, I call to mind when Boy was an itty-bitty.
My motto back then was: Boy can't be loved by too many people. It was simply impossible.
Even if the person loving him was someone I may have had an issue or two with, as long as I knew he was safe and loved with that person, I always reminded myself that love was the ultimate gift we give one another and who was I to stand in the way of love?
I think that holds true with our grandkiddos.
Too Much Love Is Impossible
The more love grandchildren are shown and offered, by all sides, maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents, the better.
What a blessing it is to be loved.
So, anonymous grandmama who bravely asked the hard question concerning grandparent jealousy, my answer is simply this: I think most grandparents have felt this way, more than they're willing to admit.
Be Prepared
The best thing you can do is to prepare yourself for momentary jealousy.
Is it a given you'll feel this way?
No.
But, you might.
So, be like a Boy Scout - ever prepared, and don't beat yourself up over this temporary mindset.
Feeling A Normal Emotion
You are feeling what you are feeling and that's okay. It's okay to feel like you are missing out or to feel like you want what they have (your grandbaby in their lap).
Just try and remember that they're probably feeling it too; there's comfort in shared misery, right?
So Much Of Grandparenting Is Out Of Our Hands
The best we can do is be a support to our children and love their babies.
Oh, and deal with the gut-wrenching grief reality of knowing others are going to love those babies too. And hug them. And read to them. And tuck them into bed. And...
Sorry. That's probably enough for one post.
Hang tough, grandmama!
Your turn to do all those things is probably next.
What a lovely day that will be!
Keep in mind that when you have your sweet potato pie grandchild and you're doing all the fun thangs, the other grands probably wish they were sharing in the fun.
Rules For Grandparents Are Simple
- Show up.
- Love those kids (the big ones too).
- Share the love and the grandchildren.
- Repeat.
- Oh, and make waffles every time you visit!
- Also, you will love whatever name they call you.
I'm not flippantly disregarding the fact that many families have had issues with each other way before the grandkids showed up.
What I'm getting to the heart of is the most important thing to focus on, is offering your grandbabies the love you have, when and where you can.
Block out the noise of what anyone else is doing.
Stay focused on your relationship.
Original post: January 23, 2015 ~ Updated post: August 4, 2025
If You Enjoyed This Article, You Might Like These Related Food Posts For Grandparents:
Rolled Biscuits with Gandkids!
This is a perfect recipe to start your grandkids on their culinary journey.
There's mixing and rolling and cutting out biscuits.
Not to mention the yum of eating their handy work!
Oops All Berries
This recipe is a variation of Rice Krispie treats. Delicious, colorful, and fun!
What grandkiddo can refuse!
Peanut Butter Cookies Made With Natural Peanut Butter
OMT is always looking to sneak good nutrition into every day snacks.
Using natural peanut butter eliminates all the unnecessary ingredients.
I honestly couldn't believe how good these were, after years of using the processed peanut butter.
Allergies aside, these are a perfect way to get those grands involved!
Do Grandparents Get Jealous Of Other Grandparents?
Thank you for reading.
I hope I've shed a bit of light on the issue and that you feel better about your very honest and common feelings.
Once we get our fears out in the open and can talk freely about them, their power over us is diminished.
Be encouraged!
Anything you guys want to add?
Wow! This was a good one. I always suspected the grandparents were a teensy jealous of each other; you're brave for writing about it! 🙂
Thanks, Erica. It's a fact, jack! The good news is there are ways to resolve the intense feelings of "MINE!"
The only moment of teeny bit of jealousy I have ever had that I laughed at later, especially since I accidentally snapped a picture of it.. was when my oldest had her baby and only 2 people were allowed back to see her at a time. Well, of course the 'mom's' want to go back, right? Well, my daughter has 3 moms (bio mom (not the one that raised her, but birthed her and then chose a powerful drug instead of being a mommy), mom in law, and me (step mom that raised her since she was 5 and put up with all her teenage crap and I hate you's and 'you're not my mom'!)... Set up the scene... daughter just gave birth, 2 people allowed back, Bio mom and mom in law were in a stance as if they were trying to catch a bridal bouquet at a wedding. When it was time to go back, neither one looked back at me and said.. Hey I understand you raised this girl since she was 5 and put up with all her crap.. did you want to go back first? Nah.. but hey.. that's okay. I just sat their with my mouth shut and waited. I waited last.. everyone .. except for them asked if I wanted to go back next, but I politely declined because I am smart! I am smart because the last one that gets to go back .. gets to stay the longest.. Bwhahaha
Smart girl, you! It's tough when we all want to go first for any of it. But, I try to do like you and make room for others. My time will come. It all works out.
Thanks for the honesty! Im a tell it like it is girl myself.Yes,I know there can be some jealousy.But,what do you do when your daughter is stiring the pot?I would love for us to all get along.
You do your part momma, in love, that's all you can do. Good luck.
I must be a strange person as I don't get jealous, I do not think my grandchildren other grandparents have anything over me, they are not better, they are different, they do not spend more time with the grandchildren and if I am wrong and they do so be it. I know my grandchildren now I love them and I know they like to spend time with me so all good.
I'm having these feelings, worrying if the other is going, was there, or is there, it's awlful I know, I try not to do this but can't seem to help it. I keep praying for myself to get over it. Sometimes I think about maybe building a good relationship with the other Grandma will help, because she is not a bad person, Ive liked her ever since my daughter met her love. (Mind you this is my daughter and her first baby,)
What a great and honest post! I know I will have some jealousy when I have grand babies and will deal with it good, but the feelings will still be there.
I think the biggest part of this is that it's normal. We're human; we feel ALL THE THINGS! The worrisome part arises when we don't take the time to examine the feelings and understand them.
I truly love the paternal grandmothers of my grandchildren so it's hard to conjure up anything but goodwill toward them. However, I did catch myself squirming one day when our four year old interjected, "Nana is my BEST friend!" into every paragraph she could. Nana is "the other woman." It all went away later though, when Nana informed me that the little princess tells her that it's ME who is her "best friend!" What a little politician!
It's those little moments that make us catch our breath as we feel caught between loving everyone and feeling left out. It's exactly this kind of thing I think we all feel at some point during our grandparenty reign. Thanks for the sweet story, Joyce. You made us laugh at that sweet little thing.
I always wonder if this happens with my in-laws who live far away with our daughter. I also can sense it with my own mom when we visit them. It's human nature, I guess!
It's hard to share! Isn't that the lesson we were supposed to learn in kindergarten?! I agree with you that it's human nature.
A post that speaks to my own heart! At first I was jealous then I realized I needed to share -they love us all. Plus I'm can get too tired to keep them all to myself!
Oh, I'm so glad you understand that it's tough being a grandparent sometimes, but that love wins out. Thanks for adding to the conversation, Vickie.
Haven't had to deal with that YET... but wow, what a great post!
Thanks, Christina.
I pretty much LOVE this blog post. Hello, let's give a shout out to the truth bomb! Heck yes! Grandma Envy exists and I have fallen victim to it more times than I care to admit. The go-to emotion is generally, "what is that lady holding my grandchild for?" As the paternal grandmother I think it automatically puts me in the red-ribbon spot which is second place in terms of right of refussal on baby sitting. Nevertheless I do LOVE my co-granny and there is definetely enough love plus to go around.
Truth bombed! I know lots of grannies will squinch at this post, but it's true. It's okay, too. Like you said, definitely enough love to go around. Thanks for the laugh, Michelle!
This is so true and it is important for us all to be bigger than that. Insecurity is natural but love and patience win over all. Thanks for sharing a touchy subject. Your post was most viewed at last week's Wonderful Wednesday Blog Hop on Ducks 'n a Row.... you're featured this week. Congrats!
Yes, love wins over all. Wow! Most viewed? Thanks, Sinea!